


My Heart's Like a Wound

by yourfavoritetsundre



Series: Duality Project [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Drama & Romance, Heavy Angst, M/M, Post Season 7, drama llamas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-08-02 06:35:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 37,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16299962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourfavoritetsundre/pseuds/yourfavoritetsundre
Summary: After Lance wakes up from his trip to an alternate universe, the one where Lance and Keith are happy and together, he promises himself he's going to be fine. He's going to try to be the best version of himself. He's going to be whatever Keith needs him to be. He's going to fix his relationships with his friends.It's a lot harder than he thought it would be.





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And everything just seems so wrong.

_**"If they ask how I died, tell them: Still angry." - Richard K Morgan Altered Carbon** _

 

~*~

 

Lance sighed and looked at the stars. Well, back to square one, he thought miserably. 

 

His first few days back from the alternate universe had been a whirlwind. First, he had to stay in the med bay for testing. Most of this passed with his family clustered around him, in various stages of relief and angry demands to promise not to scare them again. Lance made the promises even if he knew he couldn’t keep them. 

 

He saw Keith’s dark head pass in the hallway multiple times, but he never came in. Lance tried to reassure himself it was because his entire family was there, and Keith was notoriously bad with crowds. And people in general. Not because he didn’t care about him. Or because he didn’t think Lance was important. 

 

Once he was finally released the next day, he was required to give a report on his experiences. He tried to leave out details. Especially ones towards the end of his visit. He explained the odd sensations of feeling like he was dreaming, watching everything play out in front of him. Trapped in University Lance’s mind, confusing him with his own memories. As time went on, feeling stronger. Occasionally speaking through the other Lance. Finally being able to separate his essence. 

 

Thank God he’d figured that trick out when he did. He was in bad enough shape as it was. He didn’t need to be along for the ride of sex with...well, it had been a close call.  

 

After that, he thought he might have been able to get a work out in, seeing as he had been physically bedridden for over a week he desperately needed it. Time had moved faster in the alternate universe. Mentally, he had spent a little over two months there, and in some ways the knowledge he’d gained made it feel like a lifetime.

 

But Hunk grabbed him and forced him into a chair in the officer’s lounge. 

 

“You died?” Hunk demanded. 

 

Great. Thank you, Veronica. In spite of what his sister thought, he hadn’t told anyone for this specific reason. The panic. The wanting to deal with it. The pity. 

 

“It’s not a big deal.” Lance sighed. 

 

“Oh, no. Why would it be? Aside from, you know, dying!” 

 

“Because I’m fine.” Lance shrugged. “Heart’s beating, lungs breathing, still devilishly handsome.”

 

“But - “

 

“Hunk, I’m okay. I got over it.”

 

He hadn’t. 

 

“There’s nothing you could have done.”

 

He could have noticed. 

 

Alright. There were mixed feelings about the whole dying thing. 

 

So after that, Hunk wanted to hang out all day. Which was great, and Lance had missed this. But it didn’t take long for Lance to realize he didn’t want to talk. Honestly, he wanted to sleep. Which was ironic, as he had been asleep for a long time.

 

He wondered if some of University Lance’s depression had transferred with him. 

 

When he was finally allowed to find his family for dinner, they had already eaten. He sat alone in the mess hall, shuffling peas around with a plastic spork. 

 

He never thought he’d be unhappy about solid food after so long with the goo. The consistency still made him feel sick - he had been so excited for strawberry jello when they first got back to Earth. Then he gagged on his first bite. Pidge had laughed in a very rude way, until she took her own first bite at least. That shut her up. 

 

“Hey.”

 

Lance looked up to see Keith sliding into the seat across from him. He quickly looked back down. “Oh, hey man.” 

 

“How are you?” 

 

Lance pushed his peas into his mashed potatoes. Another food he suddenly couldn’t eat. He used to love mashed potatoes. “Well, I’m awake, aren’t I?”

 

Keith didn’t have any food with him, and he was staring a hole straight through the metal table. Lance didn’t know why the hell he liked the guy so much. Like many other things in his life, it must be a cruel trick of fate. 

 

Meet your hero, only to ever be good for a joke. Pilot a giant robot cat, only to have the weight of the universe on your shoulders. Fall for a princess, be nothing in her eyes. Fall for someone else, only for him to be terrible at communicating. 

 

Speaking of, Lance was kind of mad and heartbroken, not that Keith was allowed to know that. And for all the shit he’d given University Lance when he had run away from his Keith, he completely understood that feeling now. 

 

“Sorry I missed it.” Keith finally said. 

 

“Missed what?” 

 

“You waking up.” 

 

Lance shrugged. “Not the first time.” 

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

 

Lance looked up to find Keith staring at him. He seemed defensive, but not angry. Yet. And making Keith angry was something Lance was unfortunately good at. It certainly had been easier than running away from him when they lived on a spaceship. 

 

Lance isn’t being kind, and honestly he knows none of it is Keith’s fault. Not really. And if Keith had been there when he woke up, it’s not like anything would be any different. But he’s mad at himself for falling for someone so frustrating, so he’s going to take it out on Keith. 

 

“It’s cool, I get it.” Lance continued. “I’m sure whatever Kolivan had to tell you was way more important than making sure I was alive.” 

 

“That’s not...Lance, I said I was sorry.” 

 

“And I said I get it. Not like it’s the first time you put the Blade first.” 

 

“Don’t say...you have no idea what you’re talking about.” 

 

“Enlighten me then.” Lance growled. 

 

“You guys alright?” 

 

They turned to see Griffin and Leifsdottir staring at them. Leifsdottir looked bored, as usual, and Griffin had his eyes on Keith. There was an almost mean glint in his eye, and something else. Something covetous. 

 

Fuck this. Fuck the whole day. Fuck his whole life. Lance was going to slam his head into a wall until he was back in University Lance’s head. When had everything turned into such a mess? 

 

“We’re fine.” Lance snapped, picking up his food. “I was just leaving anyway.” 

 

“Lance - “

 

Lance ignored Keith and strode away from the table, tossing his plate into the trash as he went. He managed to keep the act up until he left the mess hall, then he sighed and buried his face in his hands. 

 

He had said he was going to be fine. Be whatever Keith needed him to be. Day one and he was already screwing up. He needed to get back into the mindset he’d had before the alternate reality. Where it was just an annoying...crush or something and he could ignore it. 

 

The hallways were deserted, and Lance thought of all the times he had convinced Hunk to break curfew as he meandered. Inspite of Hunk’s constant concerns, they had really only been caught once, the first time they tried when they were twelve. By Adam, of all people. He had let them off the hook. 

 

_ “You remind me of my boyfriend.”  _ Adam had grinned after Lance said something amusing.  _ “Get out of here. But don’t use that door again. The east door is better. The sensor is broken.”  _

 

Lance and Hunk were never caught sneaking out again. And now, Lance didn’t have a curfew, and no one questioned him when he wandered around on his own. And Shiro didn’t tell jokes, and Adam was dead. 

 

Lance had learnt a while ago, somewhere between saving a planet and coordinating a rescue mission, that growing up wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. Mostly, the age you acted just reflected how much had been taken from you. 

 

Anyway, after a troublesome day and a fight with Keith, he ended up on the roof of the Garrison, sitting on the lip of the building and looking up at the stars. Right back where he started. 

 

“Lance?” 

 

Lance sighed at the soft, foreign tones. This day would not quit. 

 

“Hey, Allura.” He turned back to glance at her standing a few feet behind him. “Did you need something?” 

 

“No. I’ve been coming up here to think, lately.” She looked upwards. “It reminds me of the observatory on the Castle.” 

 

Lance nodded. There wasn’t any light on the roof, unlike the ground. And with the recent destruction from the Galra...well, there wasn’t a ton of light pollution to begin with. The whole thing was quite romantic, and Lance was feeling very sorry for himself. 

 

Allura sat next to him and let her legs dangle over the edge. “What brings you here?” she asked. 

 

Lance shrugged. “This is where it all started, you know. For me at least.” 

 

“Really?” She frowned. “I thought it started with the moon Kerberos.” 

 

“Well, it did. But this is where Hunk, Pidge and I were sitting when Shiro crashed in his escape pod.” 

 

“Why?” 

 

“We...we never told you?” 

 

The princess shrugged. “You’ve told me some parts, but…” 

 

Lance struggled to remember. Those first few weeks had been so dizzying and confusing, thrown across the universe with a heavy weight thrust upon him. Surrounded by strangers - he knew Hunk and kind of knew Pidge but that was it. The whole reason he ended up on this roof in the first place was to bond with Pidge! At the time, learning their new responsibilities and roles was much more important than explaining the disaster of how they found Blue. 

 

So, he told her now. He told her about Pidge’s obsession with the alien chatter about Voltron, and Keith’s one-man whirlwind to rescue his brother. How he had been drawn to a place far out on the desert, searching for something...for their future. Hunk’s genius at creating the geiger counter that led them to Blue. How the cave lit up when Lance touched the walls. How suddenly, standing at the particle barrier with Keith, he was a part of something. 

 

Allura had shifted closer to him as he talked, and he eyed her warily. Honestly, her new attitude towards him was...almost painful. Parts of him that he didn’t like to admit existed shivered with happiness when she leaned in. Other parts felt insulted. He was used to being second best, but second best to that creep Lotor…

 

“Lance, I have to tell you - “

 

“Allura, please, don’t.” he said gently. 

 

Allura looked up at him, her large eyes swimming with shock. “But - “ 

 

“You’re confused, right now.” he told her. “I get it. And I’m here for you. But...I won’t be used.” 

 

Those secret parts of him were screaming in terror. Who the fuck was he to reject a space princess? To call her on her game? 

 

He was just a boy from Cuba, he admitted sadly, who was cursed to want what he’d never have. And in this moment, that was a half-alien he’d follow to the edge of the universe. 

 

“I get that you’re hurt.” he continued, letting the world crash and burn around him. “And lonely. Believe me, I understand that more than you know. But I think we both know that...this just isn’t supposed to work out.”

 

“We could try.” she whispered. 

 

“Not now. Not like this.” He looked out at the stars. “Maybe, when things settle down, if things change for me, maybe. But not when...well, it wouldn’t be fair to either of us.” 

 

She scowled at her knees. “You’ve grown up.” she admitted. 

 

“Keep your voice down, I can’t have people finding out!” 

 

She laughed, and Lance managed a smile. 

 

“I’m sorry I didn’t notice earlier.” she said quietly. “How much you’ve grown, I mean.”

 

“It’s alright. I acted like an idiot ninety percent of the time, between you and...well, it doesn’t matter.” 

 

“Me and who?” She smiled dangerously, like she already knew. 

 

“Ahh…”

 

Someone stumbled and cursed, and Lance and Allura both whipped around. But the figure was already retreating down the stairs, their back rushing out of sight. Lance’s heart leapt into his throat, and he remembered what a romantic setting this was. And how quietly he and Allura had been speaking. And how he’d just made her laugh. And how it all must look. 

 

“Who was that?” Allura asked. 

 

Lance felt sick. He’d know that mullet anywhere. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAH. As if I could built this mountain of angst and leave it alone. 
> 
> Honestly, I thought I could. And an hour after I posted the last chapter for Every Me and Every You I was writing a scene for the sequel. It has been a week and I have 18 pages written. I have picked out quotes from the Takeshi Kovacs series to start each chapter with because I think they juxtapose the story appropriately. 
> 
> So, PSA: we are now diverging from cannon, obviously. And oh my God, is it going to be angsty. This is going to be the angst levels of a 2007 Harry Potter fic on Quizilla, plus a 2010 MCR fic on Mibba, plus Klance. That said, I respect the writers of the show and however they decide to end it. This is not meant to replace S8. This is me exploring the relationships of the characters and the plot lines as I interpret them.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance and Shiro finally have a chance to talk.

**_“War is like any other bad relationship. Of course you want out, but at what price? And perhaps more importantly, when you get out, will you be any better off?”_ **

**_-Quellcrist Falconer ‘Things I Should Have Learned by Now II’_ **

**_((Richard K Morgan,_ ** **_Broken Angels_ ** **_))_ **

 

~*~

 

Not all stories have happy endings. 

 

The Greeks were a great example of this. Most of the time, the only characters in their stories who made it out alive and okay were the gods. Typically, the mortals were cursed with madness or killed some tragic way after all their heroic efforts. And if they fell in love? Forget about it. They were doomed. 

 

Odysseus got a happy ending. Returned home to his wife. But he suffered for it. 

 

Love stories, Lance knows, more often than not have tragic endings. It was what made them memorable. Even in real life, most relationships ended unhappily. Or don’t get off to the right start. Like his sister Rachel. 

 

Rachel met her soulmate a few years after college. He was a boxer, but nothing like what you’d expect. A guy who could light up a room, who made Rachel laugh. He wasn’t really the best looking guy, and was nowhere near as smart as her. But Lance never knew anyone who could cheer her up like he could. Rachel was usually...well, she was a tough woman. She had a lot of walls up, didn’t really like a lot of people. An ice queen, a tsundre. And somehow this funny boy with ears that stuck too far out from his head got under her guard. He was drawn to her fighter’s spirit, and her unflinching bravery. More often than not, the two would be found with an arm around each other even though they weren’t together. They balanced each other. It was the first time Lance had seen banter as something affectionate. 

 

And he liked her, too. He asked her out a few times. Even asked her to be his Valentine one year. But Rachel...maybe she was too hurt by the last boy. Maybe she just couldn’t believe in something that seemed so good. So she was always brushing it off as a joke. Finding something funny and witty to say that wasn’t a yes and wasn’t a no, so that he’d just be more in love with her. 

 

Lance didn’t know if Rachel was leading the boy on - she certainly didn’t mean to. Mostly she was scared, and the boy wasn’t perfect. She knew the boy hadn’t been the most faithful partner to his last girlfriend, and sometimes he’d say something revoltingly stupid about women and she’d be furious. Usually Rachel could keep him in line. He’d made her cry a few times, too. Suggesting she if she tried being nicer she wouldn’t have to rely on her intellect. She loved him, inspite of all of it, and it terrified her. 

 

And then one day, it was too late. He showed up with some other girl. Some carbon copy of the girl he had cheated on before. He decided it was better to repeat the cycle, rather than continue to wait for Rachel to heal. 

 

Rachel would get a happy ending eventually, Lance knew. That what happened with the boy probably taught her a valuable lesson about waiting for too long and the patience of others. Or maybe they’d find each other again. Who knew? But he’d never forget how sad she had been when she realized she might not find that completeness again. 

 

Lance doesn’t want to end up like Rachel, but God damn it if it felt like the universe was conspiring against him. 

 

Keith is avoiding him, which would be fine because Lance can’t deal with that headache right now. Except he wants to, because he wants to find a way to casually slip into conversation, ‘Oh, hey, I rejected Allura’. Not that Keith would care. 

 

Unfortunately, the huge Garrison complex is too small for the both of them. They really should have known better. It’s not like they were ever successful avoiding each other on the Castleship. They always manage to end up in the mess hall at the same time, whenever Lance wants to work out he finds Keith already there with Axca. Axca has barely ever said three words to Lance and he hates her just for existing. Plus, he does not trust her. He didn’t know why everyone else did. 

 

You would think after being infiltrated by a clone of their friend, everyone would be a little more suspicious. But no one was, so Lance kept his concerns to himself. 

 

Another thing Lance is keeping to himself are his dreams. His connection with University Lance hasn’t quite faded, so he sometimes gets flashes of his day. Mostly mundane stuff - classes, work, a movie he watched with Pidge. Sometimes Keith - shuffling around the apartment in the morning, shaking his head at Lance as he made dinner. They got in a huge fight at Thanksgiving about...well, Lance wasn’t sure, but they were screaming at each other in the Holt’s backyard so it was probably something stupid. Lance and Keith, no matter what universe they’re in, never talk about the important stuff. They just argue about bullshit.

 

He knows he probably should tell everyone. But then Pidge would have to fix it, and he doesn’t really want it fixed. Someone had to look out for University Lance. Between the universal tendency of Lance to put his foot in his mouth and the fact that University Lance was, well, a bit of a coward.

 

Lance hummed to himself as he walked into the officer’s lounge, feeling a curling sensation in the pit of his stomach when he saw Keith sitting on a couch reading something with Cosmo sprawled across his lap. Maybe he doesn’t want to disturb the wolf, maybe he’s given up on avoiding Lance, either way he doesn’t move. 

 

Whatever. 

 

Shiro was sitting on one end of a table, reading some paperwork, and Pidge was at the other end with her laptop open. Lance flopped into a chair next to her and draped himself on the table. 

 

“Pidge…” Lance whined. 

 

“No.” she sighed. 

 

“But I’m bored.” 

 

“I’m busy.” 

 

“You’ve been in here for hours. You’re about to meld with your laptop.” 

 

He wasn’t wrong. He had passed her in here on his way to breakfast this morning, and it was getting close to dinner now. There were a few dirty plates at her elbow, so someone was bringing her food, but still. It wasn’t healthy. 

 

“Now there’s an idea.” Pidge said, straightening up. “Melding.”

 

“You definitely need a break.” Lance tried to block the laptop screen with his hands, and got sharp smacks on his arms in response.

 

“Shiro, make Lance leave me alone.” Pidge whined, trying to fight him off. 

 

“He’s right. You need a break.” Shiro replied, not looking up.

 

“Keith, make Lance leave me alone.” 

 

Keith gave a long suffering sigh. “Lance, leave Pidge alone.” 

 

“You’re not the boss of me.” Lance quipped. 

 

Keith looked like he wanted to argue that he was, in fact, the boss of Lance, being team leader and the head of Voltron, but Lance turned away. Non-engagement hurts more than anything he could say. Keith taught him that. 

 

“Play one game with me.” Lance bargained. “And then I’ll help you meld into your laptop.” 

 

“Lance, I have to finish this. I can’t play video games with you.” 

 

Lance spots something out of the corner of his eye. 

 

“Chess.” he proposes. “One game of chess. That way you can do both.” 

 

Pidge relents. “Fine.”

 

Lance carried the board over, careful not to spill all the pieces. He ends up having to remove and replace everything anyway, since it’s covered in an inch of dust. It’s probably more decorative than functional, but at least it has all the pieces. 

 

Pidge probably thought she could easily beat Lance in ten minutes, and then be allowed to work in peace. She didn’t know Lance had been playing with his grandfather since he was five. And she, like everyone else, prefered to think of Lance as the idiot. 

 

So he sat back and watched her move her pieces into a careful trap, and then squawk in indignation when he easily slipped through them and checked her. 

 

“How did you do that?” she demanded. 

 

He shrugged. “Practice.” 

 

She moved her King to safety, then doubled her efforts on the game, laptop pushed to the side. Shiro had put down his paperwork to watch the game with interest, and Lance could feel Keith’s gaze on his back. 

 

Now that Pidge was done underestimating him, she played wildly. Jumping at his pieces when she could, preventing him from seeing what her end game was. Unfortunately, her wounded pride meant she made mistakes. Lance managed to snag a promotion to a queen, and the game ended quickly after that. 

 

“When did you get so good?” she demanded.

 

“He’s always been that good.” 

 

Lance turned around and saw his sister leaning casually against the door frame. He sighed and shook his head at her. “You’re exaggerating.” 

 

“He’s been the defending Risk champion in our family since he was nine.” Veronica told Pidge with a hint of pride in her voice. “We play every year on New Year’s Eve to stay up till midnight. Lance always won. Well, Marco beat him one year with the Golden Horde strategy…”

 

“The what?” 

 

Lance rolled his eyes. “Marco always plays the gold army. He’ll pile up all his pieces on one country and move across the board, leaving one soldier on every country he captures. The Golden Horde. And that year didn’t count. I was so high on cold medicine I was convinced my armies were talking to me.” 

 

Pidge was frowning at him. “But...you always refused to play strategy games with me.” 

 

It was true. In their travels through the universe, Pidge had found quite a few alien strategy games. Even a few remarkably human ones. 

 

“It would’ve reminded me of home too much.” Lance said honestly. 

 

“I can’t wait to play this year with you back.” Veronica said happily. “Luis has won the last two years and he’s been insufferable.” 

 

Lance looked down at the decimated chess board. Would he even be here? He knew the idea was to use Earth as a home base for now, but eventually they’d be going back to space. He was the right hand of Voltron...Keith’s right hand. All the bullshit aside, he knew his place. And he knew he was leaving...did his family think he was going to stay? 

 

“Pidge, your father was looking for you. He said he tried to call you but you kept blocking him.” 

 

“Oh, right.” 

 

They left together, and Lance rubbed his eyes. He’d have to have that conversation soon, tell his family he wasn’t staying, before things got out of hand. 

 

“I never knew you were so good at this.” 

 

Lance’s attention snapped up to see Keith standing next to him. He hadn’t even heard him approach. 

 

“Always the tone of surprise.” Lance grumbled. “Yeah, well, some of us had hobbies before the war. Maybe you’ve heard of those.” 

 

Keith stared at him for a moment, then turned on his heel and walked out, calling Cosmo after him. Lance let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He actually hadn’t meant to be mean that time. He was just caught off guard.

 

“You should cut Keith some slack.” Shiro said softly. “He’s doing the best he can.” 

 

Lance looked up and expected to see Shiro’s disapproval. The defense of the younger brother. He expected to see what he was used to. Instead, he got sadness. Maybe a touch of regret. It made Lance feel more ashamed than he would have with the disapproval. 

 

“Lance, is everything alright?” Shiro asked, putting aside his paperwork. “Since you woke up you’ve been...a little distant.”

 

Lance sighed. He’d never been completely comfortable around Shiro. Between the hero worshiping and the fact that Lance would never measure up to Keith, complicated by the clone who treated Lance like he was as insignificant as he felt. But once he had considered Shiro a friend.

 

“I guess I just realized some things about myself.” Lance said quietly. “In the alternate universe, who I was without being a paladin. He wasn’t...I still don’t know what I think of him. Do you ever think of that? What we’d be without all of this?”

 

“Every day.”

 

Shiro sounded choked, and when Lance looked up, he instantly realized his mistake. 

 

“Quiznack, Shiro, I’m sorry. I didn’t think…”

 

“It’s alright.” Shiro said heavily. “We all make our choices for different reasons. I made mine because I wasn’t brave enough.”

 

Lance was deeply confused. Keith had told him about Adam after they returned to Earth. The cruel irony in Adam’s death and why Shiro suddenly seemed so guilty of something he couldn’t have predicted. 

 

“But...Keith said you led the mission to follow your dream.”

 

“I told myself that too.” Shiro admitted. “But...at the end of the day, I left because I didn’t want Adam to watch me die here. I told myself I was being brave by leaving but in reality I was terrified of someone loving me so much that it hurt them.” 

 

Lance looked down at the board. “You left to save him from it.” 

 

“A lot of the time, people act like the greatest sacrifice you can make for love is to leave. And sometimes it’s true. But trust me, Lance. Leaving is easy. Staying, facing the consequences, allowing yourself to be loved, that’s the hard part. Keith is just trying to figure out how brave he is.” 

 

Lance flushed. “Wh-what does that have to do with anything?” 

 

Shiro smiled at him slightly.

 

“Shut up.” Lance grumbled. 

 

Shiro decided to be kind and nodded to the chess board. “I bet you find chess easier than dealing with him.”

 

“Well, Pidge probably could have beat me if she didn’t underestimate me.” 

 

“I don’t know. You seemed to be holding your own.”

 

“I always liked chess.” Lance shrugged, mindlessly sorting the black pieces into their starting positions. “Sometimes, the pieces aren’t what they seem. Like in war.”

 

“What do you mean?” 

 

“Well, like, when we started out. We just assumed Zarkon was the most important piece. That he’d end the game.” Lance tapped the black King piece with a finger so it lay on its side. “But it didn’t end with him. Now that I think about it, it’s more likely that Haggar’s been in charge the entire time. Most of what we’ve been fighting is just a giant smoke screen.” 

 

“You’ve gotten better at this.” Shiro praised. 

 

He smiled slightly. “Yeah, well, clone-Shiro wasn’t looking out for our best interests and Keith does not like planning. Someone had to step up. Even if I was ignored most of the time.” 

 

Shiro frowned. “What do you mean?” 

 

Lance shrugged uncomfortably. “He brushed me off a lot. The clone. Told me to stay out of the planning when my instincts were screaming at me that things were wrong. I just couldn’t put my finger on it. I should’ve realized sooner that it wasn’t you.” 

 

“You have good instincts Lance, you know I trust them. The whole team does. But sometimes -” 

 

“Not that.” Lance waved his hand. “You, the real Shiro, never would have let Keith leave Voltron. You would have tied him up if it kept him from going to the Blade. Or at least had a very long talk with him about it before letting him go. Looking back, I realized that the clone was...pushing him away. Pushing all of us, from the beginning.” 

 

Lance’s long fingers were unconsciously fondling the curves and ridges of the white King piece. 

 

“You think it was Haggar’s plan all along?” 

 

Lance sighed and looked at the disorganized white pieces on the board. “At least in the beginning. Keith really didn’t want to pilot Black and then you appeared to come back...I mean, he yelled at Keith a few times for disappearing with the Blade and when he left...he just let him go. Didn’t even try to talk him out of it.” 

 

Lance moved the white King to the side of the board. 

 

“Hunk and Pidge...well, Pidge was always your favorite, after Keith. Don’t give me that look, Shiro. The clone didn’t give her any special treatment and no one really thought anything of it. Pretty much any time you were distancing yourself we were just like, well, he’s been through a lot. The PTSD must have caught up. I mean, the clone was willing to let her father...well, she latched onto Hunk instead, which makes sense because they work together constantly. That took care of isolating them.” 

 

He moved two Knights aside, sharing their own square. Lance was thinking this through as he spoke, telling Shiro the story that no one else had quite managed to. Maybe because no one else had really noticed what was happening. Shiro stood and moved closer to see the board.

 

“Then Lotor shows up.” Lance continued, moving a black Bishop into the cluster of white pieces. “Now, that’s where things get interesting. I couldn’t understand why you - sorry, the clone - kept trying to help him. He was always advocating Lotor’s plans, he helped him get to that weird coronation ritual - “

 

“The Kral Zera.”

 

“Right. But it makes sense now, doesn’t it?” 

 

“Haggar?” Shiro guessed.

 

Lance nodded enthusiastically. “She’s his mother, right? So, even if she’s totally evil and corrupted by quintessence, she’s going to do everything in her power to watch over her son. Making deals with Axca, Ezor and Zethrid. Sending a clone to babysit him. Which is a total risk, because Lotor has his own plans. But it works out for her anyway, because he ends up isolating Allura on his own.” 

 

He moved the black Bishop, and a white one, away, leaving the white Queen to stand on its own. 

 

“But, she hasn’t done anything since then.” Shiro said. “Why go through all that - “

 

“Well, I think something messed her up.” Lance said. “Maybe Lotor getting lost in the quintessence field...I don’t know. But I don’t think we’re done with her yet.”

 

Shiro looked at the Queen again, how Lance had visualized the story as not just his teammates being individually isolated, but also how they had each been pulled away from the final piece. He nodded at the piece. “What do you think her plans for you were?” 

 

Lance looked at the board in surprise. “Oh, that’s not - “ 

 

“Why not?” Shiro shrugged. “It makes sense to me. The jack of all trades. Right hand to the King. Most powerful piece on the board.” 

 

Lance flushed and snatched up a pawn. “This is me.” he said firmly. “The Queen is supposed to be - “ 

 

“Not all the pieces are what they seem.” Shiro reminded gently. He picked up the white King and put it back in its place next to the Queen. “Whatever Haggar’s end game was, we’re together again. No one’s going to isolate you, Lance. Just make sure you aren’t doing it to yourself.”

 

Lance frowned at the two pieces. 

 

“Besides, it’s all just a Risk, isn’t it?” 

 

Launce paused. “Did you just…”

 

Shiro’s eyes were glittering with amusement as he picked up his papers. “You know, I think Hunk said he was going to make ramen tonight. I’m going to go see how that’s coming.”

 

He walked out of the lounge, leaving Lance flabbergasted at the table. Finally, he found his voice. 

 

“Pathetic, Shiro.” he called after him. “I expected better from you.” 

 

Shiro’s answering laugh bounced down the hallway. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, we always talk about how Kuron treated Lance, but never about how he treated Keith. And If you watch those episodes before Keith left, you can see it. He doesn't do anything to stop him from leaving. In fact, he almost encourages it. And I can see both sides of the argument for Shiro letting him go in the end, but there would at least be a discussion about it. Not just an "Okay, byeeeeee". 
> 
> Of course, Keith doesn't think anything of it, because we know from the Trials of Mamora episode that he doesn't expect the kindness that Shiro consistently treats him with. I don't think Lance would really notice either, not in the moment at least, because he's dealing with his own problems (how Kuron's treating him, too many paladins, ect). But hindsight is 20/20. 
> 
> And I'm sorry that this chapter was a rough one. The next one has some lighter parts, promise. (Emphasis on parts.)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Capture the flag gets a little out of hand.

**_“The weapon is a tool. A tool for killing and destroying. And there will be times when, as an Envoy, you must kill and destroy. Then you will choose and equip yourself with the tools that you need. But remember the weakness of weapons. They are an extension - you are the killer and destroyer. You are whole, with or without them.”_ **

**_-Richard K Morgan,_ ** **_Altered Carbon_ **

 

~*~

 

Krolia hated Lance. 

 

Lance had barely interacted with her when she made it very clear she didn’t like him. Or she thought he was an idiot. Or nothing he did would ever be good enough. Even when he out-lasted everyone else in her insane training simulations. 

 

Whatever. At this point, he was used to it. 

 

Shiro called for a group training session a few days after their talk in the officer’s lounge. Lance arrived two minutes late at the outdoor training field, a place filled with memories of Lance lagging behind so Hunk and Pidge wouldn’t get the full force of Iverson’s fury. The field had been filled with fake walls and barricades to create obstacles. And everyone else was already there, plus Matt, Krolia and Kolivan. In spite of the heat, Matt was wearing a heavy dark cloak.

 

“You’re late.” Krolia scowled at Lance. 

 

“A queen is never late.” Lance quipped, lining up next to Hunk. “Everyone else is simply early.”

 

Pidge snorted, and the corner of Keith’s mouth twitched up into a smile. It was so easy to play the idiot everyone expected. 

 

Lance could have sworn Kolivan winked at him. Krolia may hate him, but Kolivan always harbored a soft spot for him. If a slight dent in his abuelita’s favorite cooking pot was considered a soft spot. 

 

“Alright, team.” Shiro smiled slightly. “I thought our first session in a while, we should play capture the flag. Matt’s here to round out the numbers.” 

 

“Awesome.” Matt grinned. “Oh, hey, we have an audience.” 

 

Veronica was leading her MFE’s to the side lines of the field. Kolivan said something to Krolia and they walked over to join them. 

 

“Alright, Keith, you have Allura and Hunk on this side of the field. Lance, take Pidge and Matt to the far side. The objective is, of course, to capture the opposing team’s flag and bring it back to your own fort. If you’re hit, take yourself to the sidelines for one minute. There are camera drones so we will know if you cheat.”

 

Ah, the gym class conundrum, Lance thought. Do you feel relieved that you don’t have to work on a team with your crush? Or disappointed.

 

“Did you set traps on the field again?” Hunk asked. 

 

“No.” 

 

“Shiro, you said that the last time, and Pidge ended up in the air vents for a whole day - ”

 

“And I said we’d never set random traps again.” Shiro reassured. “As beneficial and life like as they would be.” 

 

Matt scowled at him. “Of course you would think that.” 

 

“You must clearly display your flags. Whistle blows in five minutes. There’s no time limit.” 

 

“Can we build traps?” Pidge asked. 

 

Shiro considered the Holt siblings. “Absolutely not.” 

 

“Awww, man.” Matt whined. 

 

“But it’s beneficial and life like.” Pidge mocked. 

 

“I said no. This exercise is about teamwork and strategy.” Shiro looked directly at Lance. “Get to your forts.” 

 

“Get ready to lose your flag, Mullet.” Lance smirked as Shiro handed him a cerulean blue flag. 

 

“We’ll see about that.” Keith was smiling slightly as he took a crimson red flag. It made Lance feel like he was walking on air. It made him want to beat him in a horribly great way. 

 

Lance led the Holt siblings towards their fort. They started surveying the field as they walked. Lance barely paid attention to their commentary. In the years that they were MIA, Matt had gotten taller and well...okay, he got hot.

 

Honestly, it was so unfair. Matt gets the glow up of the century while they were gone. Keith gets lost on a space whale for two years and comes back bulked up  _ and _ taller than him. Lance gets slightly emaciated from being in a coma for a week. 

 

“Sniper’s nest.” Matt said, pointing. “They’ll probably expect Lance up there.” 

 

Right. He had to focus. Come up with a plan. 

 

Keith was, without question, the better fighter. Allura could also easily kick any of their asses. And it’s not like Hunk was anything to scoff at. Keith and Allura were both stronger leaders.

 

But Shiro said this was about teamwork and strategy. Not about fighting. And he had organized the teams the way he did for a reason. 

 

In the beginning, when they first blasted into space and Lance was hellbent on dragging Keith down to his level, Shiro always put Keith and Lance in a group together. He said it was because they were a good combination of long and short range weapons. But it was mostly to force them to get along. 

 

When they did start to get along, they usually lead opposing teams. Lance knew how Keith thought. He knew he’d probably put Hunk on defense, because Hunk would be comfortable there. And then Keith and Allura would move up the field on their own. It was simple, and effective. 

 

Lance remembered in the alternate universe, playing paintball with his friends. University Keith had immediately chosen Lance for his team. When Pidge complained, Shiro reminded her that when they played on opposing teams, they tended to have tunnel vision and completely forget about the rest of the game. 

 

If Lance could get Keith’s attention on him, fight him long enough for his team to capture the crimson flag…

 

“So, I’ll defend the flag?” Matt guessed. “You and Pidge can move up - “

 

“No.” Lance shook his head. “They’ll expect that. We don’t know how you fight, so they’ll expect us to sideline you. Pidge, you’re on defense.”

 

“What?” she sounded outraged. 

 

“You can use your grappling hook to hide and keep watch. Matt, you’re going to sneak up the sidelines and get to their flag. Hunk will be on defense, but he’ll expect me or Pidge, not you.” 

 

“What are you going to do?” Matt asked. 

 

“I’m going to distract Keith.” 

 

Pidge rose an eyebrow. “And Allura?” 

 

Crap. He’d forgotten about Allura. Maybe Keith wasn’t the only one guilty of tunnel vision. Keith usually didn’t like pairing up, but Allura did. Although with such small teams, the advantage would probably be in splitting up. 

 

“Whoever sees her, takes her out.” Lance shrugged. “Losers buy winner ice cream.” 

 

“That’s the best you’ve got?” 

 

“Look, we have three people. Someone has to defend our flag, someone has to get their flag.” 

 

“And you don’t want to shoot your fantasy girlfriend.” 

 

That’s it. Pidge dies, here and now. 

 

Lance gritted his teeth and kept his hands from strangling the petite paladin. “No, it’s more important that Keith is distracted. And quite frankly, Pidge, you have a better chance fighting Allura than Keith. So, unless you want to find out what black bayard tastes like, I suggest you take your chances with my plan.” 

 

“Oh, and you think you can beat him?” she snorted.

 

“No, but I can keep him busy.” 

 

“Well, if anyone can, it’s Lance.” Matt clapped him on the shoulder. “We need to get that flag up. The whistle is going to blow soon.” 

 

Heartened by Matt’s blind faith, Lance turned away from Pidge and resumed his path towards their fort. He understood that Pidge was bullied as a kid, and allergic to the full spectrum of human emotion, but god damn it she could be mean sometimes. 

 

“Since when are you such a brat?” Matt was hissing at his sister behind him. “You usually follow his orders without question.” 

 

Pidge didn’t respond, which was good because Lance could only take so much. It didn’t take long for them to reach their fort. 

 

“Can I wear the flag?” Pidge finally asked. 

 

Matt rose an eyebrow at his sister. “You have to clearly display it.” 

 

“Well, it will be clearly displayed.” She looked at Lance. “You said I didn’t have a chance against Keith, and maybe I did against Allura. But maybe it’s not always about fighting. I’m just changing the rules of the game.” 

 

Lance considered. Pidge was fast and tricky. She should be able to outrun Allura, if she got close.

 

“Okay.” Lance agreed. “Let’s try it.” 

 

Pidge smiled, and Matt and Lance helped her tie the flag around her like a toga, then watched her use her bayard to stand on top of the fort next to the flagpole. 

 

“This is going to drive Shiro nuts.” Matt grinned. “I love it.” 

 

A whistle blew, and Matt saluted Lance before jogging to the side and practically melting into the shadows. Either the product of some really cool tech, or Matt was just that good. 

 

They heard a thud as he tripped, and then a hissed, “Shit.” 

 

“Camouflage panels in the cloak.” Pidge supplied. 

 

“Yep.” 

 

“Lance, I do trust you.” 

 

Lance looked up to see Pidge shuffling awkwardly. He felt his heart melt a little bit. Who was he kidding? He could never actually be mad at Pidge. She was the annoying little sister he never wanted, and they had invested too much time drying each other’s tears over their families in space. 

 

“And I trust your plans.” Pidge continued. “You’ve saved us so many times. And - “

 

“I get it. I shouldn’t have sidelined you.” Lance smiled up at her. “You make a pretty great flag pole.” 

 

Her eyes glittered. “You haven’t seen anything yet.” She gestured towards the other end of the field. “Go get em, loverboy.” 

 

Lance drew in a painful breath, and set out onto the field. 

 

He walked until he reached what felt like the middle of the field, then climbed up on top of one of the fake walls and lay down flat. He activated his bayard in riffle form and peered through the scope. 

 

No wind today, so the crimson flag hung flaccidly off its pole. He couldn’t see Hunk, so he was probably either hiding or on the ground. No one else yet either. 

 

A drone slowly rose up to his level, its small lens focusing on his face. 

 

Lance scowled. “What is this, the Hunger Games?” he grumbled, remembering a movie University Lance had watched with his Hunk. “Go away, you’re going to get me spotted.” 

 

The camera turned away and zoomed off, possibly catching sight of the spectacle of Pidge the Cerulean Flag. 

 

Lance turned his attention back to the field. He really hoped he could pull this off. He had a feeling Shiro set this up to give him a chance to prove himself. Plus, Veronica was watching. She had dragged her MFE’s. Ryan Kinkade, who was Lance’s friend and somehow was under the impression that he was cool. And Kolivan. 

 

And freaking Krolia. This was a chance to prove he was more than a joke that followed her son around. And James Griffin. Ugh, James. 

 

There was a flash of white to his left. Lance didn’t even think as he swiveled and shot, a clean blue bolt zapping a white breast plate with pink accents. The weapon was on its lowest setting, giving her a slight zap to alert her to the hit, but the surprise of it sent her careening back into the wall behind her. 

 

“Quiznack!” Allura shrieked. “Lance!” 

 

“Sorry, Allura.” Lance called with a chuckle. “All’s fair in love and war.” 

 

She picked herself up and headed for the sidelines, and Lance swung his scope around. He had made a lot of noise, which was good. Because he quickly spotted Keith, in plain sight, glaring up at him. 

 

Oh, Christ, there was definitely something deeply wrong with him. Normal people did not feel turned on by that look. 

 

Lance deactivated his bayard, then rolled and shimmied off the wall. He took a few seconds to collect himself. This was not considered being okay. Or being a good Right Hand. He was the Blue Paladin, for God’s sake! He had saved entire civilizations! He flew across the universe and back in not one, but two Lions! He was not about to be brought to his knees by a weak heart. 

 

“Alright, just keep him busy.” Lance told himself. “Give Matt time to get across the field and back, and it’ll all be over.”

 

He activated his bayard again, this time as its original blaster, then started towards where he had seen Keith. 

 

“Allura’s out for a minute, and when she’s back in, she’ll go straight for Pidge. But Pidge can handle it.” 

 

He peered around a wall, then stepped around it. 

 

“It’s all under control.” 

 

Keith stepped into the corridor, bayard out and ready. He scowled at Lance, who waved. “Hey, man, how’s it going?” 

 

Keith bolted for a gap that would lead towards Pidge, but Lance fired his bayard and missed his nose by an inch. A warning shot. 

 

“Don’t even think about it.” 

 

Keith sighed. “Just like old times, huh?” 

 

Lance shrugged. “A lot’s changed since then.” 

 

Keith was fully facing him now, arms crossed over his chest. He almost thoughtfully considered him. “You think we’re evenly matched now?” 

 

Lance snorted. “No. But I do have a few tricks up my sleeve. And we know each other better. I know you’re just dying to fight.” 

 

“You were always the one who insisted on fighting.” Keith spoke like he had a bitter taste in his mouth. “You and your stupid rivalry.” 

 

“Yeah, well, communicating was never your strong suit.” 

 

“And it’s yours?” Keith rose an eyebrow. “For all the talking you do, you never really say much.” 

 

And this was exactly why Keith was so dangerous to Lance. He was a lot more observant than anyone gave him credit for. The result of years in the foster system, having to sense every mood change incase he had to run. And as much as Lance knew him, he knew Lance just as well. 

 

Although, right now, Lance was banking on the few details he didn’t know about. 

 

Lance leveled his blaster. “You’re not getting that flag, Mullet.” 

 

“You can watch me from the sidelines.” Keith offered, then charged. 

 

Lance released a volley of shots, and Keith wove to keep from getting hit. Well, he thought that was what he was doing. Lance wasn’t trying to hit him. He needed this to last as long as possible. 

 

Keith was maybe a foot away when Lance finally moved, stepping back and swinging his bayard up. He felt for the fluid change, the one thing that had come naturally to him since stepping into Red’s cockpit. His red and white bayard elongated and flattened, then clashed against Keith’s sword. 

 

Keith’s eyes widened in shock, but he kept firm pressure on the broadsword. “What the - “

 

“Like I said.” Lance smiled smugly. “Few tricks up my sleeve.” 

 

“When did you get that?” 

 

“When you were gone.” Lance pushed Keith back and raised the tip of the blade, lowering his center of gravity slightly. Just like Allura taught him. “Come on, Keith, you know you’re dying to find out how good I am.” 

 

Keith charged again, going low to get under his guard. Lance jumped out of the way, swinging the broadsword down. 

 

God, he was fast. And strong. He was pushing Lance back, but that hardly mattered. He just had to stay in the game. Though that was proving hard. 

 

Lance walked right back into a very solid wall. Lance swung wildly, but Keith dipped under his arms and grabbed his wrist, pinning it against the wall behind him and squeezing so tight that Lance was forced to drop his bayard. But he had his other arm up to block Keith’s sword arm. 

 

“Yield.” Keith hissed. 

 

“Never.” Lance promised. 

 

Keith started to draw back. Lance stepped forward and hooked his foot around his ankle, tripping him and sending him toppling back. His grip still tight on Lance’s wrist meant he was pulled down on top of him, both boys groaning at the impact. Lance used his shock to his advantage, grabbing the black bayard and tossing it out of reach. 

 

Keith quickly regained his bearings and rolled them, pinning Lance’s wrists to the ground this time. 

 

“Christ, Keith, at least ask me out for coffee first.” Lance smirked. 

 

“Yield.” Keith advised. 

 

“Hmm...nope.” 

 

“Lance, you’re out of options.” Keith sighed. “Yield, and I won’t have to tag you out with my bayard, which will hurt.” 

 

Up this close, Keith had the slightest smattering of freckles across his nose and cheeks. So faint that you didn’t see them unless you were this close. There was one, a little off center on his nose, that was a little darker than the others. It was weirdly adorable and endearing.

 

They were close enough to kiss. Even with Keith pushing his wrists painfully into the dirt, he wanted to. 

 

Lance is trapped, by a boy he very badly wants to kiss, and that freckle on said boy’s nose is very unnerving and seemed to have power over him. So Lance did the thing that any sensible paladin and defender of the universe would do. 

 

He licked him. 

 

Just leaned forward and licked him from chin to cheek bone. Lance grew up with two older brothers and two older sisters. He understood how quickly the rules of fair engagement went out the window when you were pinned. Keith, though he had seen his fair share of fights, had no idea what to do with childish responses like that. 

 

Keith quickly released him and pulled back, tumbling off of Lance and furiously wiping his cheek. “Lance! Gross!” 

 

Laughter was bubbling out of Lance’s mouth, and he tried to catch it with his hands. But it kept coming. Keith was staring at him with wide eyes, like he was surprised, or in awe. 

 

“Oh, man, your face!” Lance giggled as he sat up. 

 

“You’re disgusting.” Keith said flatly. 

 

Lance shrugged, laughter dying but he was still grinning like an idiot. “I have four siblings, Keith. We fight dirty. Besides, I just needed to distract you.” 

 

“What?” 

 

As if on cue, the whistle blew again, and Lance stood and dusted off his legs. “That will mean Matt got across the field and back with your flag.” 

 

“But...no.” Keith twisted around and looked back up at his fort. From his place on the ground, he couldn’t see, but Lance could. “No! You always insist on getting the flag! It’s what you do!” 

 

“Not always.” 

 

“Lance, you almost broke my wrist once shoving me out of the way to get the flag. We were on the same team.” 

 

“That was forever ago.”

 

“It was two years ago!” He hesitated, considering the mangled timelines they had left in their wake. “Sort of.”  

 

“Yeah, forever.” Lance extended his hand to help him up. “You’re not the only one who’s changed.” 

 

Keith stared up at him, and Lance had no idea why. Lance impatiently wiggled his fingers. 

 

“Come on, Mullet, I have to go bask in my glory as the winning strategist.” 

 

The corner of Keith’s mouth twitched as he accepted the hand. “There it is.” 

 

Lance pulled him up and clapped him on the shoulder, completing their circuit. “Cheer up, Keith. It’s not like you were taken down by Pidge the Flagpole.” 

 

“Pidge the what?” 

 

Lance broke away and they retrieved their bayards before heading for the edge of the field. He had never been happier for a recorded training session. He really wanted to see how Pidge fared against Allura. They had strayed closer to the edge than Lance realized, so it didn’t take long for them to leave the field and rejoin Shiro and their spectators. Lance had to grin at the sight of Pidge, still wearing her blue flag, and Matt now wearing the red flag like a second cape. 

 

“You can’t wear that around all day.” Shiro was groaning. 

 

“Says who?” Matt asked, sounding very much like a snotty little kid. 

 

“Says me! Says Garrison Dress Code!” 

 

“I’m not a part of the Garrison anymore!” 

 

“Your name is still on the roster!” 

 

“May I remind you, Shirogane, it was you who walked into Iverson’s class wearing a crop top and got suspended for a week. Not me.” 

 

“That was to protest - you know what? Nevermind.” 

 

Hunk’s jaw was basically on the ground. He had a lump over his left eye - probably from Matt. “Seriously?” 

 

“Oh, yeah.” Matt grinned. “Adam almost had a heart attack.” 

 

Shiro caught sight of Lance and Keith approaching. He looked relieved to get away from Matt. “Oh, good, you’re back. Great plan, Lance. A little, er, unconventional, but successful. Why you had Pidge wearing the flag, I didn’t understand at first…”

 

“That was her idea, actually.” Lance said modestly. “She felt more confident in her running abilities.” 

 

“Lance!” 

 

Pidge ran over, tripping over her flag. Keith darted forward and caught her arms, pulling her upright before she could face plant. 

 

“Thanks Keith. I got Allura twice! She said you only got her once. I guess you owe me ice cream now.” 

 

Lance grinned. “Yeah, guess I do. We can go after dinner.” He looked up at his best friend. “Hey, Hunk, you alright?” 

 

Hunk gingerly pressed an ice pack to his bruised forehead. “Yeah, Matt snuck up on me.” 

 

“How dare you!” 

 

They all turned to see Krolia stomping towards them. More specifically, Lance. Kolivan trailed behind her with his usual stoic face. Acxa had shown up while they played and she looked absolutely scandalized. Krolia just looked pissed. 

 

“Mom, what - “ Keith started. 

 

But Krolia was up in Lance’s face, pushing his chest back. “What gives you the right to perform such an act - “ 

 

“What are you talking about?” Lance yelled back. 

 

“Krolia, he was just being - “ Shiro started. 

 

“What?” 

 

Lance was still yelling, and he didn’t know why. He just knew he had a very angry Galra mother in his face for God knows what reason, and this moment is supposed to be his win. He honestly hadn’t had a lot of those lately. And honestly? Fuck Krolia. She had hated him from the very beginning. So he kept going, barely realizing what he was saying. 

 

“Are you pissed that for once Keith didn’t win?” Lance roared, moving his arms up to block Krolia’s advances. “Or that the idiot beat him?” 

 

“Lance, calm down.“ Hunk begged. 

 

“You indecent little insect!” Krolia snarled. “As if you’d ever be good enough!” 

 

“I THINK I JUST PROVED I WAS!” 

 

Purple and black flashed through the air, and Lance reached for his bayard without thinking. And there was no way he’d get it in time. 

 

_ CLANG! _

 

A dark head of hair was blocking his vision, a black and white sword crossed with Krolia’s. When he spoke, it was low and guttural, almost a growl. 

 

“Don’t. Touch. Him.” Keith snarled at his mother. “Never him.” 

 

Everyone was staring at Keith in...panic. Almost fear. And when he turned to look back at Lance, he saw why. His eyes, narrowed and focused, had turned yellow, and Lance could have sworn a fang bit down on his lower lip. The pink curved scar on his cheek burned like it was fresh. 

 

Kolivan stepped up and rested a hand on Krolia’s shoulder. “Alright, stand down.” he said evenly. “Both of you. Krolia, I think this was just a misunderstanding. Keith, no one’s going to touch your, uh - “ 

 

“Friend.” Shiro interjected firmly. It only made Lance wonder what Kolivan was going to say.

 

Cautiously, Lance touched Keith’s arm. “Calm down, man. It’s alright.” 

 

Keith took a few deep breaths, ducking his head. He shrugged out of Lance’s grip and pushed his way through the small crowd surrounding them. Lance watched him stalk towards the Garrison building, waving off Acxa as he passed her. 

 

What the hell had just happened? 

 

“So, still on for ice cream?” Matt asked brightly. 

 

Shiro scowled at him, then went to follow Keith. 

 

“Maybe we should - “ Hunk started. 

 

“Nope, ice cream sounds good.” Lance interrupted. “Everyone hit the showers and we can all go.” 

 

Krolia was still watching him, but he ignored her and threw an arm around Pidge, half dragging her after Keith and Shiro. 

 

“What flavor are you going to get?” Lance asked. 

 

“Uh, are you - “

 

“Veronica said this place has amazing brownie batter ice cream. Say what you want about the human race, but not even the Galra Empire can end the miracle of ice cream.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, Happy Birthday Keith Kogane. 
> 
> Second, I know things got wild at the end. But part of it is for the next chapter and part of it is for my end game.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance has several Real Talks.

_**I mean you can cross the whole archipelago on a hover; you never even need to get wet. But that doesn't take the basic pleasure out of swimming, does it?** _

_**- Altered Carbon, Richard K Morgan** _

 

Human resilience is truly an amazing thing. 

 

Just about every population center had be completely obliterated in the Galra attacks. Including Travis, the small town up the road from the Garrison. In the aftermath, many of these places were in the process of being rebuilt, starting with marketplaces. One of the earliest was Travis. Reconstruction started when representatives of the Voltron Coalition started pouring in and the Garrison realized they needed a place to integrate said aliens into Earth culture. Soon, humans were setting up stalls for trade. The tiny ice cream stall followed not long after. 

 

Lance’s thoughts were nowhere near Travis or its ice cream stall as he showered and dressed in civilian clothes for the first time in... years, really. He’s trying to compartmentalize everything that happened on the training field, but he can’t because...well, he doesn’t fully understand what the hell happened. 

 

He knows that Krolia completely lost her shit because of something he did, though what that was he had no idea. He didn’t know a Galra could look scandalized but Axca certainly managed it. In fact, even Kolivan seemed a little...well the guy was hard to read but he was definitely more stern at the end of the game than at the beginning. 

 

But of course, he just had to make it all worse by yelling back, to the point where Krolia physically threatened him. Terrifying. Then Keith...got equally terrifying. 

 

_ Never him _ , he had said. Even now the words sent shivers up his spine. 

 

It had never really occurred to him that Keith might have Galra traits other than aggression that didn’t always express themselves. But what else could yellow eyes possibly be? And he was reasonably sure that on the average day, Keith did not have fangs. 

 

Everyone had looked so scared. Shiro looked worried. But Lance...even now he didn’t feel afraid of him. Maybe if he had been on the receiving end of that glare he would be but...something twisted in his gut at the thought of being protected.

 

_ Never him _ . 

 

Christ, things would be a lot easier if he could’ve just accepted Allura on the roof the other night. If could have lost himself in an alternate universe. If he could remain convinced Keith constantly running from him meant he wanted to keep things professional. 

 

Then things like this have to happen. 

 

He’s never seen Keith react like that. Never would have expected him to defend him. Especially because their friendship had never really been easy or comfortable in the first place (mostly Lance’s fault) and now things were way more screwed up than before (mostly Keith’s fault) and Lance is bitter (Lance’s fault). 

 

The other day, Shiro had told him that maybe Keith was still deciding how brave he was. All the implications of that aside, it begged the question...how brave was Lance? He had been quick to call his alternate reality counterpart a coward, but…

 

Looking at himself in the mirror, wet hair sticking up from being towel dried, what had he really done to show otherwise? 

 

He hadn’t made any effort to talk to Keith about literally anything since he had gotten back. He hadn’t told his family he would be going back to space when the time came. He was holding Hunk at a distance because...he didn’t know why but it felt horrible and at the same time he just didn’t want to deal. Honestly, the only person he had been real with recently was Shiro, who had been dead when most of these problems started to take root. 

 

Ice cream was not going to fix any of that. All of these problems would have to be dealt with, and he predicted several screaming matches in his future. But maybe, getting everyone to go out for ice cream together was a start. And making sure Keith was included, downplaying everything that had happened today...that seemed pretty brave.

 

He could be brave. 

 

Lance ran a comb through his hair and pulled on his favorite jacket before leaving his quarters. His niece and nephew were kicking around a ball in the hallway, and he warned them to be careful before slipping away. 

 

They needed to be outside. At least in a proper house. 

 

He ran into Hunk next. “Hey, buddy. Just about ready?”

 

“Yeah, just looking for Shiro and Keith.” 

 

Hunk rose an eyebrow. “Reeeaaaally.”

 

“Yep. You see them lately?” 

 

Hunk stared at him, and Lance kept his face blank. 

 

“Officer’s lounge. Might as well be Shiro’s office.”

 

“Thanks. Tell the others we’ll meet up at the east doors.”

 

“Why? It’s not like we have to sneak out anymore.”

 

“Tradition. I’ll see you there.”

 

He turned away before Hunk could ask any more questions. 

 

Of course, the officer’s lounge was practically on the other side of the complex, so Lance kept his pace brisk. He hummed a song University Lance had been singing in his dream the other night as he went. 

 

_ “Why are you singing that?” University Hunk had asked.  _

 

_ “Because fucking Keith was playing the Black Parade 10th Anniversary Edition on repeat last night, refused to use his headphones, and now one of the fucking demos has been stuck in my head all day! I haven’t had a moment of peace.”  _

 

_ “Why was he listening to that?” _

 

_ “I don’t know. Apparently depressing music helps him focus and he had a paper due. I suppose I’m lucky, last month it was Lou Reed’s ‘Berlin’.” Lance sighed. “Why can’t I have a normal boyfriend?”  _

 

_ Hunk smiled slightly. “You picked him.” _

 

_ “Yeah. I suppose I did. Normal’s overrated anyway.” Lance paused. “I’ll show him. I’ll sing Dancing in the Dark all night. He hates that song.” _

 

_ “Oh, my God. You deserve each other.” _

 

Lance did not know what the Black Parade was, but if the one song running through his head was any indicator it was very sad. 

 

“ _ And all the angels say, oooh, oooh, you are all to blame. _ ”

 

“I thought you had it under control.” 

 

Lance stopped outside the open door to the officer’s lounge. Shiro was leaning against the conference table while Keith sat on one of the couches, looking at his feet. 

 

“The last time you changed like that was…”

 

“The cloning facility. I know.” 

 

Lance knew he wasn’t meant to hear this conversation, and he should announce himself, but he was frozen in place. 

 

“I was just so...I don’t even know. I saw her swing and I think...changing was the only way I was fast enough to get between them.”

 

“They’re going to ask questions. And your mother - “ 

 

“I’ll talk to her.” 

 

“What are you going to say?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“Keith, you can’t avoid this forever. And Lance is going to want answers sooner or later.” 

 

Lance decided that was his cue. He knocked on the door and leaned on the frame, making Shiro turn and Keith jump and look up. Keith flushed redder than the accents on his armour and Lance pretended he didn’t notice. 

 

“Hey, Lance.” Shiro greeted. “Did you need something?” 

 

“Just making sure Keith is getting ready to go for ice cream.” Lance said, with a pointed look at the boy in question. 

 

Keith sighed. “I’m not - “

 

“Good call.” Shiro nodded. “Keith, go get dressed. We can talk more later.” 

 

“I don’t like ice cream.” Keith grumbled. 

 

“First of all, liar.” Lance said. “Second, it’s not about ice cream. It’s about  _ bonding _ .” 

 

Keith shot Lance a mutinous glare, and Lance smiled broadly in the face of it. But he stood, recognizing the dismissal from Shiro, and followed Lance back out the door. He was still in his armour, which was covered in dirt from their tussle earlier. 

 

“Lance?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Why...why are you inviting me?” 

 

Lance kept his gaze carefully forward. “Cause you’re a member of the team, idiot.” 

 

“You...you’re not afraid?”

 

Oh, no. 

 

Lance glances over and sees Keith looking wary. Ready to run. If Lance doesn’t do something that’s probably exactly what Keith is going to do. And Lance is, quite frankly, done with the distance that he has continuously allowed Keith to build. There’s too much at stake, between the war and Lance’s heart, to let it continue. 

 

Was he afraid? A little. Just not for the reasons Keith thought. 

 

“After everything we’ve been through?” Lance tried for a light tone, and he thinks he mostly succeeds. “Sorry, Mullet, you’re going to have to do better than that if you want to get rid of me.” 

 

Keith smiled ever so slightly, and Lance tried his best to ignore the warm tingling in his entire body from being the cause of that. That smile should be illegal. One of these days it would probably get Lance killed. 

 

“I’m sorry.” Lance added. “Licking you was...childish.” 

 

A pained look flashed across Keith’s face. “Don’t worry about it.” 

 

“Really. I had no idea your mom would - “

 

“Lance, do you know why my mom flipped out?” 

 

Keith had stopped walking, and Lance stopped and turned to face him. His cheeks were red, and he wouldn’t meet Lance’s gaze. 

 

“Uh...not really, no.”

 

Keith took a deep breath. “Look, to the Galra, the whole licking thing is...that sort of thing is...really intimate. Like, it can be for humans too but it’s  _ really  _ only an act for...erm...lovers.” 

 

Lance wants to curl up and die. Mostly because of finally understanding why Krolia flipped out like she did, but partially from sympathetic embarrassment for Keith having to explain this to him. Keith’s face in completely red, and Lance is having flashbacks to the sex talk his father gave him. 

 

“Oh, my God, I’m - “

 

“Lance, it’s fine.” Keith grumbled. “You didn’t know, and it’s not like...anyway, I’ll explain to her...different cultures, and...yeah.” 

 

They stood there awkwardly for a moment. 

 

Lance scrunched up his nose. “But...the Galra are...furry.” 

 

Keith rose an eyebrow at him. “So?” 

 

“I mean...it just can’t be comfortable for anyone involved.” 

 

Keith is staring at him blankly, but then the corner of his mouth quirks upwards into a smile. “Shut up, Lance.” 

 

“Do you think post-coital hairballs are a thing?” 

 

“You’re such an idiot.” Keith is really smiling now, and he gave Lance a light shove. “Come on, I need a shower before we go to this  _ bonding moment _ .”

 

“Bonding moment? What’s that?” 

 

~*~

 

The Travis market is busy by the time they get there. The sun is just starting to set, but all the stalls are strung with lights and a couple of musicians are tuning their instruments on a small raised platform. Matt, still wrapped in his crimson cape, was trying to talk his girlfriend into dancing with him when they actually started playing. 

 

This end of the market is all food carts surrounding several picnic tables. If Lance moves two inches to the right, he smells the sharp spices of the curry cart. Two inches to the left, and it’s the warm sugar of waffle cones. There’s bratwursts and empanadas. Pidge is having her mind blown by the sheer number of toppings offered by the french fry cart. 

 

Allura practically glitters under the soft yellow lights that are strung overhead. The ice cream vendor is very patiently allowing her and Romelle to try all of his flavors - they retch over the chocolate, but the blueberry is determined to be acceptable. 

 

Lance had chosen tiramisu flavored ice cream, which was every bit over the top and decadent that he expected. He also had asked for a cone in a cup, a trick he had learnt when his niece and nephew were toddlers and it saved  _ so many  _ napkins. Hunk had mimicked him, and was breaking apart his cone to scoop strawberry ice cream like an edible spoon. 

 

Keith slowly approached their picnic table, breaking up his scoop with his spoon but not actually trying it. 

 

“What did you get?” Hunk asked. 

 

“Mango sorbet.” Keith shrugged. 

 

Lance wrinkled his nose. “Really?” 

 

“I told you, I don’t like ice cream.” He looked at Lance pointedly. “Why the hell do you have a cone and a cup?” 

 

“So I can have a cone without making a mess.” 

 

Lance always loved the look on someone’s face when they realized that both a cone and a cup was, actually, an option. It wasn’t just one or the other. You could have both. Kind of like how Allura looked so pretty under the strung up lights, and so did Keith. 

 

“You just have to have it all, don’t you?” Keith grumbled. 

 

Lance shrugged and broke off a bit of his cone to eat. “Is there really such a problem with that?” 

 

“Yes!” 

 

“What then?”

 

Keith opened his mouth, made an odd noise, then shut it. Lance gave him a winning smile and turned back to his ice cream. Allura and Romelle approached with their ice creams. 

 

“What’s the yellow?” Romelle asked, leaning over Keith’s shoulder. 

 

“Mango sorbet.”

 

“What’s sorbet?” 

 

“It’s like...ice cream without milk.” 

 

“Actually, sorbet can have milk.” Lance said. “The main difference between sorbet and ice cream is the lack of egg in sorbet. It gives the ice cream a creamier texture.” 

 

Hunk gaped at him. “How did you know that?” 

 

“I pay attention when you talk.” 

 

Hunk rose an eyebrow. 

 

“And the other Lance works as a server in a fine dining restaurant.” Lance sighed. “I picked up a few things. Ask me anything about gluten allergies, riesling, or wild beer.” 

 

Pidge ran over and almost knocked Hunk’s ice cream out of his hands. “Hunk! You have to help me! This idiot thinks wasabi is an acceptable topping for french fries.” 

 

“Well, wasabi-mayo has been added to - “

 

“Not wasabi-mayo. Just wasabi.” 

 

Darkness moved across Hunk’s face. “Pardon me. I must right evil in this world.” 

 

The Green and Yellow paladins left to harass the french fry cart vendor, and soon Allura and Romelle were entranced by the musicians who had started playing. They got up and were quickly pulled into the dance, quickly learning the steps and gracefully skipping to the fiddle. Lance finished his ice cream and leaned back against the table to watch them, and Matt as he tripped through the steps with his girlfriend. His vibrant cape swirled and provided distraction from his clumsy feet. 

 

“What was he like?” 

 

Lance’s eyes snapped over to Keith next to him. “Who?” 

 

“The other you?” 

 

Lance’s throat suddenly went dry. This was dangerous territory. 

 

“You heard my briefing.” Lance said carefully. 

 

“Yeah, but...you don’t talk about it.” Keith mashed his sorbet again, but still didn’t eat it. “And it must have been...different. I’m just curious, that’s all.” 

 

Lance fiddled with his empty paper cup, and sighed. 

 

“I don’t know, man. He’s...me. He’s the same as me. Everyone there was exactly the same but...at the same time so different. He’s studying marine biology but he’s not sure what he actually wants to do with his life. He’s on a tournament-winning paintball team. He works hard, he tries to be a good friend, he loves his boyfriend - “ 

 

“Boyfriend?” Keith interrupted. 

 

Shit. 

 

“Yeah, man.” Lance tried to play it cool. “It turns out there’s a few universal constants. All Pidges are gremlins, all Lance’s are bi, all Keith’s have mullets.”

 

“Wha - for the last time, it’s not a - will you ever stop?” 

 

Lance smirked at his frustration. “Also a universal constant.” 

 

Keith reached over and shoved him, and Lance laughed. They watched the dancers again. 

 

When Keith spoke again, he was quiet. “Are we friends? In the other universe?” 

 

Lance looked at him, but he was keeping his gaze carefully on the dancers. Honestly, it hurt, looking at him. When he looked so much like the Keith who loved Lance. As he asked about that Keith. 

 

“Yeah, we are.” He said softly. Then, “We hated each other at first.”

 

Keith smiled wryly. “Of course we did.” 

 

“Mhmm.” 

 

“What happened?” 

 

“You fell for my charming good looks and sense of humor.” 

 

Keith is giving him that horribly cute smile again. “Sounds about right.” 

 

It’s a lot. Lance doesn’t want to talk about this, especially not with Keith, but he can’t help but be honest with him. He’s tired of lying, to himself and to Keith. This is what being brave is - for now at least. 

 

So of course, Keith has to go ahead and make this moment even more difficult by asking, “What’s Lance’s boyfriend like?”

 

_ He’s you.  _

 

Lance sighed. “He’s an artist. A sculptor. And...he’s a lot of things, I guess.” Lance paused, then snorted as he found another thing that separated his Keith from that Keith. “He’s impossible to wake up in the morning. The other Lance just kind of...pushes him around until he fully wakes. Or cuddles him.” 

 

Keith’s voice sounded strained. “Sounds perfect for you.” 

 

“Perfect for that Lance.” he agreed. “But me...I sort of prefer early morning training sessions.” 

 

Keith was staring at him. “But…you hate early mornings.” 

 

Lance groaned. “Seriously? I sleep in one day. One day! And everyone thinks I can’t wake up in the morning. I’ll never live it down.”

 

“You slept through a castle-wide alarm.”

 

“I had Pidge’s noise-cancelling headphones on. And the most exciting day of my life behind me.”

 

“How could you sleep?” 

 

“How could you not?” Lance looked at the dancers again. “Anyway. Being there...I realized who I was. Who all of this...the war, being a Paladin, how it’s made me who I am now. And as much as I want to be...normal, go to college, have a boyfriend...it’s just not an option anymore. Not right now, at least.” 

 

Keith was quiet for a minute. Then, “You can still have those things. When the wars done, after we find Haggar and defeat her...I’ll make sure you have those things.” 

 

Lance’s chest burned, and he kept his mouth shut. He was worried what would come out if he opened it. In some other universe, maybe Lance would use this moment to drag Keith into the dance or to confess or do literally anything. But he said he’d put the war first. He’d put what Keith wanted and needed first. 

 

Besides, there were so many issues they had to address. Sticking his tongue down Keith’s throat would not solve anything. In fact, it would just make things more complicated. 

 

But, he could sit here with Keith. Watch their friends dance and laugh and argue with a vendor. Maybe let himself lean in a little to his shoulder, and let the smells of the curry cart wash over him. And hope that someday they could have moments like this that actually meant something. 

 

~*~

 

“I saw you today.” 

 

Lance glanced at his best friend as they walked down the hallway towards their neighboring quarters. Hunk and his family had all been given rooms next to the McClains, allowing the two tribes to get to know each other. Mostly it had resulted in screaming children running in the halls. 

 

“Saw me?” Lance repeated. 

 

“With Keith.” Hunk said simply. “You two were looking...cozy.” 

 

Lance’s heart pounded in his throat. “You must have been mistaken.” 

 

“And I mean...when you were fighting…”

 

“Licking is a perfectly acceptable way to stop an enemy.” 

 

“Not to the Galra it’s not.” Hunk said sharply. “Do you understand what it is you did?” 

 

“Keith told me they reserve it for...intimacy.” 

 

Keith underplayed it. A lot. Lance had to sit against a wall and hold his face in his hands after Hunk explained what the gesture really was reserved for. Jesus, no wonder Krolia had tried to kill him. And it was caught on camera. 

 

This is truly a situation that only Lance McClain, and probably only this version of Lance McClain, can manage to get himself into. 

 

“Oh, my God.” Lance moaned. “Why?” 

 

Hunk sat on the floor next to him. “You like him.” he stated simply. 

 

“Of course I do.” Lance replied glumly. “He’s our friend.” 

 

Hunk made an impatient noise. 

 

“Is it that obvious?” Lance asked quietly. 

 

“No. I just know you. Even when you’re being cagey and weird.” 

 

Lance tipped his head onto his best friend’s shoulder. Even if things had been weird and strained lately, even if it felt like they were growing apart and even sometimes that they weren’t so close in the first place. His best friend was always going to be the person there for him. 

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Hunk asked. 

 

“Well, you guys were so mean about Allura...I sort of figured this would be worse.” 

 

Hunk turned and wrapped his arms tightly around Lance, squeezing him into his broad chest. 

 

“Lance, I’m so, so sorry. I just thought that...you weren’t serious, you know? Cause you’re never serious. And even you always treated Allura like it was a joke. But I shouldn’t have teased you about it in the first place.”

 

Lance pulled away. “S’alright.”

 

“No, it’s not.” Hunk paused. “Do you want to talk about it? About Keith?” 

 

Lance hesitated. “I don’t know. Maybe. Not now.” 

 

“Okay.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good news! I know how it ends! I try not to start stories without having a definite ending, but this one I had to start writing immediately. 
> 
> Bad news, things are going to get really rough for Lance. 
> 
> Good news, I wrote some really cute shit as well! Yay! 
> 
> Also, for those who don't know, Lou Read's 'Berlin' album is probably the most depressing album of all time. It's a concept album about the relationship of two junkies as they go through addiction, domestic violence, her kids are taken away, basically it's heart wrenching. 
> 
> My father and I have this awful habit of listening to depressing music on repeat when we have to get something done. It drives our family insane. I gave University Keith that trait because Lance would get so mad. 
> 
> Also, All the Angels has been stuck in my head. It's been kind of horrible. Has anyone else noticed how good the Black Parade B-sides are?


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance is not always a perfect angel.

**_The past is only relevent as data._ **

**_-Richard K Morgan,_ ** **_Altered Carbon_ **

 

~*~

 

_ It’s a quiet night for them. Spring semester has started and Lance came back from Cuba with tan lines and sun-kissed hair. Keith thinks he’s being sneaky but Lance can sense him watching, and so he preens. Lance has met the majority of his credit requirements, so he’s taking a few easy classes to fill his semester and hopefully bring up his GPA. Keith has to take 20 credits in order to graduate, seeing as he took last spring off to meet his mom.  _

 

_ Snow is falling heavily outside, and morning classes are already cancelled. There’s a good chance that they’ll have the whole day off. Lance hates the cold, especially being just back from Cuba, so he’s layered in fuzzy sweats, a thermal shirt, two blankets, and a boyfriend. He’s also wearing the blue cat socks Hunk knitted him for Christmas.  _

 

_ Keith was supposed to be reading something for class, but he had decided that the snow day was the spirit of David Bowie telling him to enjoy the moment and save homework for later. Keith attributed a lot of positive things in his life to David Bowie’s heavenly influence. He had put Amazon Prime’s ‘Lore’ to watch, but neither of them are paying attention and Keith is half asleep while Lance massages his scalp and sings softly.  _

 

_ “And they burned down the diner  _

_ where I always used to find him, _

_ Licking young boy’s blood from his claws. _

_ And I learned about the blues from this kitten I knew, _

_ His hair was raven, and his heart was like a tomb.”  _

 

_ “Don’t call me kitten.” Keith grumbled. “I hate it when you call me that.” _

 

_ “But it’s cute.” Lance protested, breaking off his edited song.  _

 

_ “No it’s not.” He paused. “I don’t mind babe so much.”  _

 

_ “You said you hated that too.” _

 

_ “It’s grown on me.”  _

 

_ “You’re such a sap.”  _

 

_ “Am not!”  _

 

_ “Yes you arrrreee. Cause you liiike meeee.”  _

 

_ Keith huffed grumpily, but didn’t fight it anymore. He tightened his grip on Lance’s torso and closed his eyes again. Lance picked up his song where he left off.  _

 

_ “My heart’s like a wound. _

_ And I saw tail lights last night in a dream about my first wife. _

_ Everybody leaves and I’d expect as much from you. _

_ I saw tail lights last night in a dream about my old life _

_ Everybody leaves, so why, why wouldn’t you?” _

 

“Lance!” 

 

_ Keith turned his head and pressed his mouth into the center of Lance’s chest. “You better not wake me up tomorrow.”  _

 

_ “What if I made coffee?” Lance bargained.  _

 

_ “Acceptable.” Keith nuzzled him. “But you better come right back to bed.”  _

 

“Come on, Lance. Get up.” 

 

_ Lance smiled slightly. “Okay.” _

 

_ “David Bowie has graced us with a day off, and I think he intends us to spend all of it in bed.”  _

 

_ “I’ve never met someone who needs as much sleep as you.”  _

 

_ “That’s cause you’re a lot to deal with.”  _

 

“Lance!” 

 

Lance’s eyes snapped open. 

 

“Come on, open up.” 

 

Lance groaned and scratched his head, swinging his legs out of bed. His watch said five-thirty. He yelped when his bare feet touched the cold tile floor. A single Blue Lion slipper stared at him forlornly from the corner of the room. Its mate had been lost in transit, probably buried somewhere on Red. He was still mad about it. 

 

Wincing, he made his way to the door and slapped the sensor to unlock and slide it open. Keith was on the other side, dressed in work out clothes and looking far too awake for Lance’s liking. 

 

“What?” Lance grunted. 

 

Smooth.

 

Keith rose an eyebrow. “You have something under your eyes.” 

 

Lance brushed a finger along his skin and dislodged a few beads from his sister’s eye gel. He still wasn’t sure what their purpose was. “What do you want?” 

 

“Well, you said you liked early morning training, so I was wondering if you wanted to join me?” 

 

Jesus Christ, Keith looked adorable when he blushed. But it was also very early. Lance had stayed up pretty late with Hunk the night before talking about just about everything  _ but  _ Keith. And he had been having such a nice dream about the other Lance and Keith being domestic. 

 

Lance loved it when his own reality smacked him in the face at five-thirty in the morning and reminded him of who he was supposed to be. 

 

“I said early, not sunrise.” Lance grumbled. 

 

“I thought you didn’t mind waking up early? That you only slept in that one time?” 

 

Was Keith teasing him? He had no idea. The door across the hall slid open and Lance’s mother stepped out, looking even worse than Lance felt. 

 

“Will you stop shouting?” she grumbled. “You’re going to wake the kids up and Marco will be on the warpath.” 

 

“Los siento, Mama.” Lance said quickly. “Keith lost his watch.” 

 

“No I - “

 

“Well it’s the only excuse for waking me up before the sun.” 

 

Rubina McClain blinked at the two of them for a moment before asking, “Are you two always like this? How did your friends survive?” 

 

“Usually by leaving the room.” Lance hinted. 

 

Rubina rose an eyebrow. 

 

“We’ll be quiet.” Lance grumbled, instantly regretting his sass. “Sorry, Mama.” 

 

“Sorry.” Keith echoed. 

 

She shook her head and retreated back into her room. Keith looked back at Lance. “You coming?”

 

Lance rubbed his face again. “Why are you inviting me?”

 

A normal human being might say,  _ I wanted to spend time with you because I abandoned you multiple times and I’m an asshole _ . Or maybe,  _ You made sure I was included in ice cream yesterday after I suddenly grew fangs and so I thought I’d include you in something too _ . Even,  _ I invited everyone _ , would be acceptable.

 

Keith, half alien and definitely not normal, says, “I thought your sword skills needed work.” 

 

Lance scowled. “Well, sorry. Allura said she would train me and then never found the time. I had to practice against the gladiators on the castle.” 

 

“Well, now I can teach you. Let’s go.” 

 

Well, he was awake now. And the desert air first thing in the morning was always pleasant. 

 

“Let me get changed.” He paused. “Do I have to call you sensi?” 

 

“Shut up, Lance.”

 

~*~

 

Lance had forgotten how intense Keith’s work outs were. He had thought he was in shape. He was mistaken. Needless to say, by the time he hit the showers his muscles were stiff and he was probably in for a world of pain tomorrow. At least he had convinced Keith to hold off on training until seven the next morning. 

 

He met up with Ryan Kinkade after grabbing a quick breakfast. They had both been assigned inventory work in the armory, which was mind numbingly boring, but slightly better with someone to help you. Lance did most of the talking, taking whatever topic Ryan brought up and running with it. Veronica had seemed shocked when she found out Lance actually had full conversations with the MFE, but he shrugged her off. Ryan was cool, and easy to be around, and didn’t expect Lance to make an idiot of himself. 

 

“Good job with the game yesterday.” Ryan praised. 

 

“Thanks, man.” Lance peered in a box and checked it off on his sheet. “Matt and Pidge did most of the work.” 

 

“Your fight with Kogane was pretty cool.”

 

“I guess.” Lance grumbled. “Until I licked him. Dude, no wonder Krolia flipped out. I had no idea.”

 

Ryan stared at him blankly. 

 

“Hunk explained it and basically, in Galra culture...well, without his consent and in public I might as well have taken my dick out and smacked him in the face with it.” 

 

Ryan winced. 

 

“Yeah. I thought I was just being cute.” Lance looked in another box. “I should probably apologize, though I have no idea how.” 

 

“Kogane defended you.” 

 

_ Never him.  _

 

“Yeah.” 

 

“He looked wild.” 

 

Ryan moved on to his next box, and Lance stared blankly at his list. Wild. That was a good descriptor. Wild things had their draw. Somehow he thought Ryan meant monster. He knew that was what Keith was always afraid he was. He had assumed that his time with the Blade and then his mother had fixed that, but maybe not. 

 

“Could have been worse.” Ryan said after a moment of silence. 

 

“How?” 

 

“He could have been turned on by it.” 

 

Now that is a whole can of worms that should never, ever see the light of day. There are plenty of things Lance wants to do with Keith, but Galra-specific mating rituals is really not one of them. Okay, unless Keith really, really wanted to. 

 

“When’s your next training session?” Lance asked instead of addressing that comment. “Veronica lining up fresh tortures for you?”

 

They finished in time to get a late lunch. As they sat at one of the long metal mess tables, James Griffin slid into a seat next to Ryan. 

 

“Hey, Kinkade. Lick any faces lately, McClain?” 

 

Lance sighed. “Glad to see your bullying is just as juvenile as when I left, Griffin.” 

 

It used to affect him. When Lance first made fighter pilot, James was the loudest voice saying it was because Keith dropped out. James who taunted him for for constantly crashing the simulators. James with his perfect hair and perfect scores. 

 

But Lance was a paladin now. Lance was chosen to be something greater. Lance had been to places James couldn’t even imagine. Lance used to be a lot like James, but maybe it’s because he’s older or maybe it’s because of all the battles but it doesn’t hurt anymore. That said, Lance isn’t so much of a better person where he won’t exploit James’ weaknesses because, well, James is an asshole. 

 

James sipped a glass of milk, and Lance rose an eyebrow at him. “Are you just...drinking a glass of milk?” 

 

“Yes.” 

 

“Are you a psychopath?” 

 

James looked extremely offended. “What? No! How would that make me a psychopath?” 

 

“It’s just weird man. Who just drinks a whole glass of unflavored milk?”

 

Ryan nodded in agreement. 

 

“I do!” James protested. “It tastes good.” 

 

“No, it doesn’t. It’s milk. I understand chocolate milk. Warm milk. Milk in something. Even cookies with milk. A few sips from the carton.” 

 

“Okay, that’s disgusting.” 

 

“But a whole glass of plain, cold milk? No.” 

 

“I...it’s healthy!” 

 

“Is it though?” 

 

James was getting really pissed, and this was almost as fun as getting Keith riled up. Except, well, Keith was a lot cuter when he was mad. James just...actually looked like a serial killer.

 

“You know what, McClain - “

 

“Hey, guys.” 

 

Hunk, Keith and Pidge appeared at the end of the table. 

 

“Mind if we join you?” Hunk asked. 

 

“Sure.” Lance shrugged. 

 

Keith put his tray down and sat next to Lance, Hunk settling in on his other side. Keith looked up and across the table at James’ tray. 

 

“Are you just drinking a glass of milk? Like a psychopath?” 

 

Lance burst out laughing. Even Ryan snorted. 

 

“You know what? Screw you guys.” James growled, standing up. “Don’t bother inviting me to the wedding.” 

 

Keith looked confused. “But...what did I do?” 

 

Hunk’s eyebrows had practically risen to his headband when James said ‘wedding’, but Pidge was already cutting across any comments he wanted to make. 

 

“What were you two doing on the field at six am?” she asked, shoving a sporkful of rice into her mouth. 

 

“Training.” Keith supplied shortly. 

 

She smirked at Lance. “Trying to impress someone, Lance?” 

 

Gremlin. 

 

“Maybe I am.” Lance shot back. “Though how that’s your business, I don’t know.”

 

Keith was slightly leaning away from Lance, and it occurred to him that Pidge was not the only person at this table who might take that the wrong way. 

 

“Leave him alone, Pidge.” Hunk said sharply. 

 

“Like we all don’t know - “

 

“Stop assuming you know everything.” 

 

Pidge was indignant, because she did, in fact, know everything. 

 

“Hunk, it’s fine.” Lance grumbled, desperately wanting to melt through the floor and never appear again. Why did he admit to anything last night? He knew Hunk would suddenly make it his business to make everything awkward. 

 

“Hello Paladins!” 

 

Pidge nearly lept out of her seat when Coran appeared behind her. 

 

“Hey, Coran.” Keith greeted, seeming relieved. “Haven’t seen you lately.” 

 

“I’ve been busy helping with the integration!” The royal advisor stood a little taller. “But now that you all are back on your feet and everything’s on schedule, we need to start thinking about the war effort. Lance, I was hoping you’d help me with something later.” 

 

Lance really hoped ‘war effort’ no longer included cleaning healing pods. But he had missed spending time with Coran. 

 

“Sure.” he said anyway.

 

“Excellent. Meet me in the map room in one varga.” He paused and considered. “Number Three, if you aren’t busy, you should come too.” 

 

“Sorry, Coran, Kolivan wanted to discuss the plans for his moon colony.” Keith replied, pushing rice around his plate. 

 

“Since when is he number three?” Lance squawked. 

 

“Since he grew taller than you.” Coran smiled. “See you in a bit.” 

 

Coran walked away, and Pidge and Hunk started bouncing ideas off each other for their newest project. Ryan seemed to be listening to them, but Keith’s attention was on Lance. 

 

“You do realize you’re the only one of us he consistently calls by name, right?” 

 

Oh.

 

Lance smiled a little, and Keith smiled back. 

 

Everyone finished their meals, and split off. Lance still had some time before meeting up with Coran, so he took his time. A shadow dogged his footsteps. 

 

“Is this the part where you tell me to stay away from your son?” Lance called over his shoulder. 

 

Krolia was leaning against a wall with her arms crossed. She scowled at him and he turned to face her. 

 

“Look, I’m sorry, okay?” he sighed, turning to fully face her. “I didn’t know. I just wanted to startle him and, I mean, for humans - “ 

 

“I know.” she said shortly. “I married a human, didn’t I?” 

 

“Then what the hell, man?” Lance asked incredulously. “Were you just waiting for an excuse?” 

 

“He will die for you.” 

 

She said it like it was a fact. Like everyone knew. Or like it was a definite thing. A point in time that could not be changed. 

 

“You do not understand anything.” Krolia continued, anger slipping into her voice. “You do not understand Galra nature. Passions make us dangerous. How many moons were reduced to ashes because of an insulted bride or a wounded lover.” 

 

“I - “

 

“And you do not understand sacrifice.” she continued. “You know nothing of the pain of - “

 

Something in Lance snapped. It had been happening a lot lately. He balled his hands into fists and stalked towards Krolia, even though he knew he was taking his life in his hands. 

 

“Sacrifice?” he snarled. “I have given everything, Krolia. My family, my friends, my life. I even gave him up for a while, because he wanted to go find you. And let me tell you something - it’s never enough. It will never be enough.”

 

“Sometimes you have to give people up to protect them.” she said evenly. 

 

“Well, sometimes you have to change the rules of the game.” Lance said stubbornly, thinking of glorious Pidge in her flag-toga. “Sometimes we’re stronger, better, together. In any form.” 

 

They stared each other down. Finally, Lance scoffed and looked away. 

 

“Look, Krolia, I’m not presuming to know anything about what Keith wants.” Lance told her. “Honestly, I’m not expecting anything. But I know I’m the Blue Paladin for a reason, and I fly the Red Lion because he flies Black. Greater than the sum of our parts, and all that. I don’t care if you don’t like me, I’d just appreciate it if you didn’t decide what’s best for your son without consulting him first. Honestly, you’ve done him enough damage.” 

 

Krolia’s mouth was a thin line. Lance knew he had gone below the belt, calling her out for abandoning her son, but Keith wasn’t here to get between them and Hunk wasn’t here to tell Lance he was being an asshole. 

 

“Anyway, if that’s it, I have a meeting.” Lance said, turning away. 

 

“Remember what I said, Lance.” she called after him. “You’re fragile, and if something were to happen...passions can be dangerous.” 

 

Lance walked towards the map room, his mind churning. Figures. Krolia wanted him away from Keith because she thought he made Keith weaker. She probably wanted him for next Galra emperor or something, even though Kolivan was building his moon colony for those who wished to separate from the empire. 

 

Lance did not fly two robotic lions halfway across the universe and back to be told that he was too  _ fragile  _ to stand next to Keith. Not when he had worked his ass off to prove he deserved his position. 

 

His mind flashed back to the white Queen piece. Jack of all trades, Shiro had reminded him. Right hand to the King. Most powerful piece on the board. Shiro believed in him, in both of them, even if Lance didn’t most days. Even when Krolia’s warning rang in his ears. 

 

Though, maybe it was worth considering that she was just freaked out. After all, Keith had turned on her when she had threatened Lance. Maybe it was just motherly concern about how protective Keith was. He had never reacted that way when any of their friends were threatened…

 

Maybe she was right. He knew nothing about Galra passions. 

 

Head and heart aching, Lance entered the map room to find Coran arranging pieces on a holographic display. After greeting the Altean warmly, Lance looked at the map. 

 

“This is the Haliverre quadrant.” Lance said, recognizing the pattern of stars and their planets. “Where the cloning facility was.” 

 

“Last known whereabouts of Haggar.” Coran agreed. “I thought you might help me find her. Maybe if we put our heads together, we can figure out what she’s up to.” 

 

Lance smiled. “Sounds like a good idea.” 

 

They sat and Coran zoomed out to show a larger section of the universe. This he could do. This would block out all of Krolia’s warnings, even just for a little bit. 

 

“We suspect she has found New Altea. Only she and Allura would have the ability to build the robot that attacked after Sendak’s defeat. And the pilot was Altean.” 

 

Lance nodded. “Yeah, but, how would she know to send the robot then? Right when we were weakest?” 

 

“Maybe she didn’t.”

 

Lance shook his head. “She’s too smart for that.” 

 

Coran smiled thinly. “A spy then?” 

 

“She’s done it before.” 

 

“She would have to be within this galaxy to receive transmissions. Even with Altean alchemy.” 

 

They looked at the display again. A new fear rose in Lance’s chest. 

 

“We have to find her.” Lance said. “Do we have any data on her past movements? What she did when Zarkon died?” 

 

“Some.” 

 

“Well, let’s start there.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not mean to offend people who drink milk. It's just a little odd when you see someone out in public just drinking a glass of milk. I get not drinking soda - I don't drink soda unless I'm at a movie theater and they have Vanilla Coke. But like...there's juice? I don't know. 
> 
> Also, Lance really hates James. 
> 
> Just to clarify, longer passages in italics are in University Lance's head, or if you want to look at it as Space Lance's dreams of other Lance. 
> 
> Was the Krolia bit too much? Thoughts are always appreciated. Comments make me really happy, even if I don't always reply. Basically, I update when I finish writing the chapter after what I'm posting. So if there's a comment that I can clarify/answer in the next chapter or someone points out something I didn't think of, I can address it. Also, if I go a week without getting anything done I have a chapter I can post. But I'm kinda proud of myself for sticking with twice a week so far. 
> 
> Promise the next chapter is more Keith and Lance based and starts to explore their issues, with some wonderful heartbreaking family shit thrown in. I was actually crying while writing it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance reveals some of the ugly truth.

**_Take what is offered and that must sometimes be enough._ **

**_-Richard K Morgan,_ ** **_Altered Carbon_ **

 

~*~

 

Lance was starting to fall into a routine, which felt better than it should. Various assignments in the morning, some to help the Garrison and the Atlas run properly, and occasionally trips to large cities around the globe to help the slow business of reconstruction.

 

He spent an hour or two every after noon with Coran, trying to find Haggar and her spy, but with little progress. Sometimes Shiro would join them, or Kolivan. If they did have a spy, there was no proof. As for Haggar, they had little information and more questions than answers. Frustration was starting to fuel obsession for Lance. 

 

Keith showed up at his door every morning for training, promptly at seven. Lance started setting an alarm so they wouldn’t wake his family anymore. That’s not to say they didn’t notice. 

 

“You were never much for working out.” his mother observed one evening, chopping vegetables in the communal kitchen for a family dinner. 

 

Lance shrugged, stuffing his hands deeper in his pockets as he leaned against the counter. He was supposed to be minding the onions on the stove. “Keith says I’m not allowed a sword if I can’t use it properly. Says I’ll cut my leg off.” 

 

Rubina gave him a look that seemed to say, well he’s not wrong. 

 

“Well, I guess I just don’t see the point if you’re not going to need it anymore.” she said. 

 

Lance stared at his mother. “What?” 

 

“Well, if the bayard has to stay with the Lion,” she continued, “and really, Lance, you were never a fighter.” 

 

“Mama...what...I’m Red’s pilot.” Lance protested. “I can’t just stop fighting.” 

 

“They can find another pilot.” 

 

“It doesn’t work like that.” 

 

“So I’m supposed to just let you leave? Again?” She turned and looked at her son, her eyes swimming in angry tears. “Let you run off to fight a war - “

 

“It’s my job!” 

 

“We only just got you back, Lance!” she cried. “Do you have any idea how hard it was for us? For me? My baby, gone, and no one would tell us what happened! And to find out you’re fighting a war? You’re constantly in danger and risking your life?” 

 

“Mama, it’s just the way it is.” Lance pleaded. “Things are different now. I’m different. And Red needs me and...Voltron and...Keith needs me - “

 

“What does Keith have to do with it?” 

 

_ Everything _ , Lance thought, but he kept his mouth shut. Rubina dumped her entire cutting board of tomatoes into the pot on the stove, and pushed Lance out of the way to stir. 

 

“I can’t just walk away.” Lance told her. “I love you so much, but I have to see this through. I don’t have a choice.” 

 

Rubina closed her eyes tightly. “I won’t let you.” 

 

“Mama - “

 

“I’m your mother, Lance! You’ll do as I say!” 

 

Lance turned away and left the kitchen. He almost collided with Marco on his way out. 

 

“Lance! What’s - “

 

“I’m not hungry.” 

 

He knew this moment had been coming. He knew no one would be happy about him leaving but...he had this silly hope that they’d understand. It was childish, really. 

 

Lance had to get away - far away - from the Garrison complex, from his mother’s tears. Just for a bit. He wanted to go to space, really, but it would raise way too many alarms. He walked quickly down the halls, ignoring Pidge when she saw and greeted him. It wasn’t until he left the building that he started to run. 

 

He couldn't take Red, as much as he wanted to. It would draw too much attention. 

 

Nearby, Keith and Shiro were dismounting a pair of hover bikes, windswept and sporting huge grins. Keith’s smile lessened when he noticed Lance. 

 

“Lance?” he called. “Everything alright?” 

 

Lance ignored him and sprinted towards one of the MFE jets, feeling like he was suffocating. There had been so much lately - the game of capture the flag, his talk with Krolia, Keith illuminated by the yellow lights of the Travis market - and now his mother was refusing to accept...him. Who he was now. 

 

He hated running. He hated this feeling. But right now, he needed a change of scenery.

 

He nearly tripped on the ladder leaning against the jet, but otherwise managed to gracefully climb in and shove the ladder away. Keith was waving his arms and trying to get his attention, but Lance ducked his head down and looked at the controls. 

 

God, he had been piloting a sentient Lion for so long he barely remembered how to turn a Garrison jet on. His fingers hovered over the switch panel for a moment, then he began to put in the flight sequence. How many times had he drilled himself on this? So that it was just muscle memory. Not that it really mattered now. 

 

The engine picked up with a whine, and Lance steered the jet away from the Garrison complex, before punching forward for a short take off. 

 

“Pilot! You are not authorized for take off. Land the craft immediately.” 

 

Lance ignored the voice squawking at him and gained altitude. Quite frankly, the jet was too valuable for them to open fire on him, and as a paladin he was too valuable for them to really punish him other than giving him a serious talking to. The voice continued to order him to turn around, and he just went higher. 

 

“Lance, come back.” Shiro’s voice pleaded over the speaker. “We can fix it.” 

 

Rationally, he knew that Shiro had no idea what he was talking about, but he felt pissed about it anyway. Everything was so screwed up. His relationships with his friends, his family, everything felt like it was just broken edges. 

 

If they wanted him back, then they’d have to come get him.

 

“Lance, you can’t just steal Griffin’s jet.” 

 

Okay, any punishment he got for this was now officially worth it. 

 

“You don’t even have a flight suit or a helmet on.”

 

He was a Paladin of Voltron. To hell with safety. 

 

“Lance?” Keith’s voice came next. “Come back.” 

 

It was only then that Lance snapped off the comm. 

 

~*~

 

Lance flew around for a bit, no clear destination in mind, before turning northwest and landing in the ruins of the Olympic Sculpture Park in what was Seattle. He wandered through the overgrown grass to an ancient bike path that followed the shore, and from there found a small rocky beach. 

 

It’s nice, here. Quiet. The sounds of the Puget Sound lapping against the rocks. Some of the artwork behind him is still standing tall, reminders of human resilience and creativity. It’s overcast, but not raining, and a little cold. 

 

Lance wasn’t sure what he felt. He felt like a hypocrite, that was for damn sure. Judging everyone for running from problems when that was exactly what he was doing. Well, he planned on going back. He just needed space. 

 

Things were supposed to be fine, once he got back to Earth. He had his family back, and everything was supposed to be fixed. So why did he feel like he was trying to hold onto broken glass?

 

There was the whine of an engine, and he looked back to see another MFE jet landing next to his. He turned and looked back at the mountains across the Sound. They probably sent Hunk after him. Or Veronica. He really hoped it wasn’t Veronica. Maybe Kinkade? He could sit and talk at Ryan and he wouldn’t tell him he was being dramatic. 

 

He didn’t turn around when he heard footsteps scattering gravel behind him. He pulled his legs tighter to his chest, trying to be smaller. 

 

“Lance?” 

 

Shit. 

 

He didn’t expect Keith. All this time it was always him seeking Keith. Him making Keith notice. Him pulling Keith away from whatever broody bullshit he was doing and dragging him to a good time. He never expected Keith to be the one to come and find him. 

 

“How did you find me?” Lance blurted, twisting to look up at him. 

 

Keith rose an eyebrow at him. “The GPS-tracker in the jet.”

 

Damn it. He’d forgotten about that.

 

“Surprised Pidge doesn’t have me microchipped.” Lance joked weakly. 

 

“Why are you here, Lance?” Keith looked around. Cities had taken some of the hardest hits in the invasion - the tall buildings and the recognizable if comparably stout Space Needle all reduced to dust. The only thing that stood tall anymore were the mountains. “This isn’t like you.” 

 

Lance looked across the water again. “My brother Luis lived here for a few years. I visited him once when I was a kid. I always remembered this little beach cause Luis said he liked to think here. It was a lot different from the beach we grew up on but...beautiful in its own way.” 

 

Keith sank to the ground next to him. 

 

“I didn’t like Seattle that much. When it was, you know, here. I think I mostly didn’t like it because it took Luis away. I don’t think I’d mind it now, though. The way it was. Good food, strange people, everyone recycles.” 

 

“I meant...why are you here?” Keith clarified. “Why did you run?” 

 

Lance shook his head. “Just needed a bit of space.” 

 

“You can’t just...walk away from everything.” 

 

Lance snorted. “That’s really rich, coming from you.” 

 

“What are you talking about?” 

 

Lance looked away. 

 

“Lance? Come on, talk to me - “

 

“You always leave.” Lance had a bitter taste in his mouth, anger boiling in his throat like bile. “And act like it’ll just be fine, like the rest of us can just pick up the pieces and keep going - “

 

“You’re still on this?” Keith sighed. “Lance, it was for the best - “

 

“No.” Lance snapped. “No. It was best for you, Keith. Always. Joining the Blade, going back for Shiro and then for Axca, every damn time. It’s always about you!”

 

Lance’s voice was shaking, and he has no idea where all this resentment is coming from. Maybe he’s hurting, and Keith is just in the crossfire. Maybe it’s been there festering and as much as he likes Keith, he just wants to be heard. 

 

“What - Lance! I left for you!” Keith grabs his arm, tugging him around to face him. His eyes are dark, and he looks furious. “Fuck, you’re such an idiot. You came to me, saying, six paladins. One too many. And you  _ belonged _ there. In Red. It was easier for me to just go.” 

 

It’s not the response Lance was expecting, but a cold fury washes over him anyway. “And how do you think it felt when the  _ only  _ person who listened to me, who actually wanted me around, how do you think it felt when that person left?” 

 

Keith loosened his grip on Lance’s hoodie, anger melting to shock. 

 

“But...Hunk and Pidge - “

 

“Acted like I was a nuisance.” Lance finished. “You say I belonged in Red, but I only belonged in Red because you were in Black. How do you still not get that?” 

 

Keith was quiet for a moment, then said, “I don’t know what you want from me.” 

 

Lance scoffed and looked away again. What he wanted? 

 

He wanted to be heard. And seen. And felt. He wanted early training and quiet nights. He wanted the war to be over. He wanted Keith to understand that his absence did have consequences. More than anything he just wanted to be worthy. Krolia didn’t think he was, but Lance wanted it anyway.

 

But the war wasn’t over. And Keith had shown him again and again that he’d put that first. So all those other little big things Lance wanted would have to wait.

 

“I want my friend.” he finally said quietly. 

 

Keith sighed. “Then can you let me be one, and tell me why you ran away to Seattle?”

 

Lance felt his anger ebbing. He sighed and pulled his knees tight to his chest again, resting his cheek on his legs and looking westward again. 

 

“My mom doesn’t want me to go back to space.” he said quietly. “Or fight. Or pilot Red. Any of it.” 

 

They sat in silence for a moment, listening to the water. 

 

“I mean, that’s what moms are supposed to be like.” Keith suggested quietly. “They’re supposed to...I don’t know. Keep you safe. Want things to be easy for you.” 

 

Lance briefly wondered if Krolia wanted those things for Keith. If she told him that enough. 

 

“But it’s not possible.” Lance told him. “But she doesn’t get that. She thinks we can just...find another pilot or something and...I’m not the person I was when I left. I don’t think she sees that. She thinks everything can just go back to normal, and I thought that for a while too.”

 

It should have been obvious, really. He left in Blue, and he came back in Red. Everything had changed for him. 

 

“We fought about it and I just...honestly, I wanted to go to the moon or something, but I figured that was too dramatic and it would make a lot of people worry.” 

 

Keith snorted. “So you stole James Griffin’s jet instead?” 

 

“In my defense, I didn’t know it was his. That said, I regret nothing.” 

 

Keith smiled and shook his head. “You’re gonna be in so much trouble.” 

 

“Yeah, well, I just needed to get away for a bit.” Lance sighed. “Which makes me a giant hypocrite, I guess. But earlier, with my mom, it just felt like...she thought I was replaceable.”  

 

“Why do you always do that?” Keith cut across. “Assume that you’re useless and replaceable and...you’re not, okay? Not as a paladin, not to me or Hunk or your mother or anyone. Your mother refusing to let you leave just proves how much she loves you.”

 

Lance didn’t answer. 

 

“But you have to stop getting in your own way. Believe me, I know better than anyone how much that can hold you back.”

 

“I lied in my Garrison interview.” 

 

Lance didn’t know why he said it. He had never admitted that to anyone. The truth just bubbled out of him, and now Keith was blinking in shock at him. Keith who defended him, Keith who chased him across the country, Keith who let him lash out in anger because it was something he understood. 

 

His gaze was drawn to that tiny freckle on Keith’s nose, just off center of his face. 

 

“What?”

 

“I didn’t join the Garrison because I loved space or because I wanted to do something great, like I told them. I did it because I wanted to do something that none of my siblings had done.” Lance broke his gaze. “And when I was doing my interview and they asked me why I wanted to join I knew I couldn’t tell the truth. So I lied.”

 

“Lance, they don’t care - “

 

“You don’t know that.” Lance said sharply. “Did you even have to interview? With Shiro helping you?”

 

“No, I - “

 

“Well, there.” Lance waved his hand. “I shouldn’t have been accepted into the Garrison in the first place. Shouldn’t have been bumped up to Fighter Class when you left. Shouldn’t have chased you into the desert, or flown Blue, or any of it. None of that was supposed to be me.” 

 

Silence hung heavy between them, and Lance couldn’t bring himself to look at Keith and see the disappointment that was bound to be there. 

 

“Lance, the Blue Lion chose you.” Keith said evenly. “Even if you weren’t at the Garrison, it would have found you.” 

 

Lance finally looked at him, and his expression was unreadable. 

 

“Besides, the only reason I fly in Black is because you’re in Red. It goes both ways.”

 

“That might be the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.” 

 

“Yeah, well, don’t get used to it.”

 

Lance smiled. 

 

“Are you feeling better?” 

 

Lance considered, then nodded. “Yeah. I...thank you.”

 

“We should get back. Before Griffin convinces the higher-ups to charge you with treason.”

 

Lance snorted. “Someone’s gotta get the stick out of that guys ass before it does some permanent damage. Teach him how to live a little.” 

 

Amusement flashed in Keith’s eyes, and Lance wondered what he had ever done to deserve to be so close to someone so beautifully complex. His behavior lately certainly hadn’t warranted it. 

 

“Maybe it’s all that milk.” Keith suggested. 

 

“Too much of a good thing can be bad.” Lance agreed. 

 

Keith stood and held a hand out to Lance to pull him up. “Lets go. I doubt even Allura could talk Iverson out of arresting you if we’re gone too long.” 

 

“You kidding? She’d totally let me rot in a jail cell just to teach me a lesson.” Lance gripped his hand and let the other boy heave him up. “Probably only for a few days but still.” 

 

“I don’t think it’s a good look for a princess if her boyfriend is locked up for stealing a fighter jet.”

 

“Boyfriend?” Lance repeated.

 

Keith rolled his eyes. “I saw you on the roof the other week. I get that you’re trying to keep things quiet, but you don’t have to lie to me.”

 

A nervous giggle bubbled out of his throat, then it turned to full laughter. He had almost forgotten, with everything else that had happened lately. Keith was staring at him like he’d lost his mind, and Lance just felt so relieved.

 

“We were just talking.” Lance finally relented after Keith’s third demand for an explanation quieted his laughter. “I was telling her about how we found Shiro and Blue cause none of us ever gave her the full story. I’m not dating her, man. She’s way out of my league. I’d rather spend time on someone I can drag down to Earth.” 

 

Keith was frowning in confusion at him. Then said, “Let’s go. I said I’d have you back by curfew.”

 

Still smiling to himself, Lance followed him up the hill towards the jets. The sun was setting behind them, but with all the clouds it was just prematurely dark. Lance felt better than he had in ages. And maybe, maybe, like whatever had broken between him and Keith was finally starting to mend.

 

“Hey, Keith?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Thanks.”

 

~*~

 

By some miracle, Shiro and Allura had convinced the Garrison not to arrest Lance by the time they got back. Allura had said Lance was acting under her orders to get some fresh air, because he needed a clear head to help sorting through the data on Haggar. That said, he did not have clearance for an MFE jet and Allura had assumed he’d take his Lion. So, he owed James Griffin an apology. And Keith was now under orders to push Lance twice as hard at training, which half the time he felt like he was barely keeping up with. And he was going to be doing a solid week of inventory, alone. 

 

Still, he got off easy. Even if Allura was pissed at him. 

 

When he got back to his room, his mother was sitting on his bed waiting for him. 

 

“Lance - “

 

Lance knelt on the floor and hugged her tightly. Her breath caught and she hugged back. 

 

“Mama, I don’t want to leave.” he told her quietly. “But this is something I have to do.” 

 

Her arms, impossibly, got tighter around him. 

 

“For some reason, a bunch of sentient lion robots think that I can do this.” he told her. “I just...half the time I don’t think I can, but Keith seems to think I can and...my place is with him. As long as I can.” 

 

Rubina rocked gently, and Lance felt wet tears on his neck. 

 

“I know you’re mad.”

 

“I’m not mad.” Rubina whispered, pulling away. “Lance, look at me. You are so brave, and capable. And you give everything one hundred percent. And it scares me. Because you’re my youngest, my baby. Always will be, no matter how old you are. And the hardest thing is knowing that you might not come back next time.” 

 

She was holding his chin, searching his face. Finally, Lance felt like he might start crying. 

 

“I know that I can’t stop you, and I can’t keep you safe forever. But if there’s any chance that I can, know that I’m going to try.” 

 

Lance nodded, and his mother pulled him into another tight hug. 

 

“That Keith boy better know how lucky he is.” she mumbled into his shoulder. 

 

Lance snorted. “I think it’s better if he doesn’t. He doesn’t do well under pressure.” 

 

“He better protect you. Bring you back to me. Or he’s going to find out how terrifying human mothers can be.” 

 

Lance remembered Keith standing between him and Krolia, snarling and fanged.  _ Never him _ . 

 

“He will.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lance has soooo many feelings. It must be confusing. 
> 
> I know we always talk about Keith leaving for Lance, but we never really have Lance shoving that back in his face and pointing out why that could hurt as well. Also, I kind of needed them to be ugly to each other so they could rebuild from the foundation.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance plans for the future, and Pidge puts pieces together.

**_Reality is so flexible these days, it’s hard to tell who’s disconnected and who isn’t. You might even say it’s a pointless distinction._ **

**_-Richard K Morgan,_ ** **_Altered Carbon_ **

 

~*~

 

Allura was still pretty mad at Lance the next morning at breakfast, but everyone else seemed to find entertainment in the idea of Lance stealing Griffin’s jet. Unintentionally. Enough that no one seemed to want to know why he had taken it. Which was good, because the extra-grueling work out Keith had put him through earlier made him way too tired to make up an excuse. 

 

“Here, everyone.” Shiro said, handing out white envelopes. “I was told these were to compensate for damages.” 

 

Lance peered in his envelope to find a printed check. He had to read the amount line several times before it registered. That was...an insane amount of GAC. 

 

Part of the reconstruction involved changing Earth’s global currency over to GAC, but to ease the transition into being a part of the known universe. Say what you want about the Galra empire, but unified currency was a blessing. But right now, Lance had to question if the higher-ups understood how much money this really was. Especially when right now, most of the planet was a pile of rubble. This was enough to rebuild his parents house, and then some. 

 

“Ho-ly quiznack.” Hunk whistled. 

 

“What am I supposed to do with this?” Keith asked blankly. 

 

“I feel like we’re being bought.” Pidge said, frowning at her check. “Anyone else feel like we’re being bought?” 

 

“Well, it’s about damn time.” Lance said. 

 

“Language.” Shiro sighed. 

 

“What?” Lance demanded of his friend’s shocked looks. “It’s not like Allura paid us.” 

 

The princess glared at Lance, who had no idea it was possible for her to be even more angry. “It is an honor to be chosen by a Lion - “

 

“Yeah, yeah.” Lance cut across her. “I’m just saying, it’s nice to be rewarded, y’know? We’ve had days where we almost died three times before breakfast - “

 

Hunk groaned. “Lance, for the last time, slipping in the shower does not count - “

 

“Three times!” Lance charged on. “And it’s just nice that someone recognizes that.” 

 

Pidge was scowling at him. “Well, what are you going to spend it on?” 

 

“Strippers.” Lance answered without hesitation, the most outlandish lie he could have possibly told. 

 

Keith choked on the potatoes he was eating, and Romelle looked confused. Pidge had a downright horrified look on her face. Hunk was smiling down at his food, probably knowing Lance was just being ridiculous to get Pidge to lighten up. 

 

“You can’t spend all your money on strippers.” Shiro sighed, looking like he was fighting a smile. 

 

“Well, they were going to be male strippers and I was gonna share, but I guess I won’t bother. Also, I’m an adult and I can spend my GAC how ever I want.” 

 

“Spending all your money on strippers definitely means you are not an adult.” Keith argued, his voice a little raw from choking. 

 

“Am too! I’m eating vegetables.” 

 

“You have a plate full of eggs and like, a bite of veggie hash.” 

 

“And a lot of Cholula, which is peppers, which is a vegetable - “

 

“Actually, they’re a nightshade, so they’re a fruit like tomatoes.” Hunk cut across. 

 

“Ergo, I’m an adult.” Lance finished. 

 

Pidge shook her head. “Lance, one of these days I’m going to pickle your brain and study it.” 

 

“Will you wait till I’m dead first?” 

 

“I’ll consider it.” 

 

“All I can ask for.” 

 

“Well, here are your assignments for the day.” Shiro said, handing them each a tablet. “Remember, Lance doesn’t get any help. Princess, we have a meeting.” 

 

“Of course.” She stood and picked up her tray, bidding everyone goodbye. 

 

Lance made a face at their turned backs as they left, making Keith roll his eyes. 

 

“Well, I know how I’m spending at least some of this.” Hunk said, pocketing his check. “Family dinner and movie night, tonight, just like old times minus food goo. No excuses.”

 

“Sounds like a great idea, buddy.” Lance smiled. “I’ll let Coran know when I see him later.”

 

“I’ll go tell Shiro and Allura now.” Romelle said, standing and leaving her tray to run after them. 

 

Pidge was frowning at Lance. 

 

“What?” he asked her.

 

“You’re not actually spending it on strippers are you?” she asked. 

 

Lance rolled his eyes. “Of course not. Don’t be stupid.”

 

“What are you going to spend it on?” Keith asked. 

 

Lance shrugged and shuffled some of his eggs around his plate. “Well, most of it will go towards rebuilding my parent’s house. I don’t know about the rest. What about you?” 

 

Keith looked at his own check again, as if he was making sure it was real. “I don’t know. I never really gave much thought to...after.” 

 

“What are you going to do with it?” Hunk asked Pidge. 

 

“Keep in mind if it’s anything devious, we will tell Shiro.” Lance added. 

 

“I won’t.” Keith put in mildly. 

 

Pidge looked between the three boys, her eyes sharp. “I don’t trust any of you.”

 

~*~

 

Hunk went all out that night, preparing a three course meal for dinner. Curried lentil and coconut soup to start, followed by a pasta course with handmade ricotta gnocchi in cream sauce with ham and fresh peas. Finally, they finished with chicken cooked over asparagus. 

 

“Oh, my God.” Pidge moaned, sinking into one of the couches in a rec room they reserved for the evening. “I don’t think I’ll ever have to eat again.” 

 

“Is Earth food always so heavy?” Allura asked, draped across a loveseat with her legs over Romelle’s lap. 

 

“That’s just Hunk’s cooking.” Lance reassured. “Also, you’re just used to the goo.” 

 

“Okay.” Shiro said, scanning a list of movie titles on a tablet that the Garrison had available. “So, we agreed to stick to classics so our short list contains Blade Runner - “ 

 

“The original, right?” Pidge asked, waking up slightly from her food coma. “Not that horrible remake with that Payton whats-his-name.” 

 

Shiro looked closer. “Nope, this is the remastered 1982 film. Also, the original Titanic, starring Leonardo DiCaprio - “

 

“Yaaaassss.” Lance cheered. 

 

“You would love that movie.” Keith said, dropping into a place next to Lance on the couch. “It’s so cheesy.” 

 

“Uhm, yeah, that’s what makes it great.” Lance takes a huge chance and leans against Keith, smirking and crying, “Never let go, Rose!”

 

Keith shoved him off, but he’s a little pink across his nose and cheeks. Lance snickered and pushed away the swooping sensation in his stomach. Shiro fixed Lance with a look that seemed to say, ‘Can we not do this today?’

 

“And finally,” he continued, “something a little more recent, On Bloody Tides.”

 

“Which one is that?” Lance asked. 

 

“It’s the story of the Marines who held the Strait of Gibraltar at the turning point of World War Three. Probably watched this with Keith a dozen times when it came out.” 

 

“Oh, whatever.” Keith huffed when he caught Lance’s wide grin. “Shiro, you cried like, every time we watched it. Even Adam was embarrassed of you.” 

 

“Just because some people are comfortable expressing emotions, Keith - “

 

“It’s not that sad of a movie!”

 

“They all die!” 

 

Hunk and Coran entered the room carrying even more food. A tray of loaded nachos, bowl of popcorn, and cookies.

 

“Oh, my God, there’s more.” Pidge groaned. “I’m never going to fit into my armor again, and I’m totally okay with it.” 

 

Titanic was absolutely shut down and vetoed, despite Lance and Hunk’s best arguments about throwing popcorn at the screen when it takes entirely too long for anyone in the damn movie to actually drown. Including Leo. They decided on Blade Runner, and maybe Bloody Tides after if they felt up to it. 

 

Once the lights are turned down and the grainy, old quality movie started, Lance feels heavy and warm. The food he had eaten and softness of the couch is threatening to drag him under. It doesn’t help that everyone sitting on the couch means Keith is sitting really close to him. He smells like the cheap soap handed out in their ration packs, and Lance idly wonders if the day will ever come where they can close the gap between them. 

 

It turns out that Shiro is a secret movie buff, so he spends the first fifteen minutes explaining to the Alteans, and Lance because he had no idea, that this movie changed the Science Fiction genre when it first came out. This was the first movie to visualize a future of an overcrowded, dirty and polluted planet. The first to visualize cyberpunk, or indicate the subtle takeover of Asian culture (which did end up actually happening). Shiro could probably go on, but Keith shushes him so they can actually follow the plot. 

 

Lance doesn’t know when he falls asleep, because it seems like a very slow and gradual thing and the movie seems to play in his dreams. But then somehow, it melts into a cozy room…

 

_...their warm bedroom, Lance is sprawled out with his head on Keith’s lap. He had been going through emails for private events, but after a few hours of it he had developed a splitting headache so the laptop was closed and put aside. Keith was quietly reading, running his fingers over Lance’s skin. Red is curled up near Lance’s feet.  _

 

_ Keith probably thinks Lance is asleep, because out of nowhere he quietly says, “I love you.”  _

 

_ Lance keeps his eyes shut, but he can’t help the smile curling on his lips. “I know.”  _

 

_ He hears Keith’s breath catch, and he’s silent for a moment before saying, “I was talking to the cat.”  _

 

_ He sits up and looks at Keith, and oh Dios he’s all blushy and won’t meet Lance’s eyes. And even in this moment, which should be all sticky and sweet, Lance can’t help but to call him on his shit. Because that’s who they are.  _

 

_ “You hate your cat.”  _

 

_ “No, I don’t.” _

 

_ “Yes, you do. That’s why you always call him, The Cat.”  _

 

_ Keith gives up that angle and instead goes with, “Well...you tried to Han Solo me!”  _

 

_ “I succeeded in Han Solo-ing you.”  _

 

_ “Don’t be an asshole.” _

 

_ Lance leans right up close to his boyfriend’s face. “Keith?” _

 

_ He’s still looking off to the side. “What?”  _

 

_ “I love you too.”  _

 

_ He’s still not looking at Lance, but a slow smile is spreading across his face. Lance shuffled a little closer on his knees and cups his face. He leans in and they share a slow, sweet kiss. Keith moves his hands to hold Lance’s hips, but not for any reason than just to do it. _

 

_ “I can’t believe you tried to pass that off on poor Red.” Lance smirked as he pulled away.  _

 

_ “I do love my cat!” Keith protested.  _

 

_ “Alright, babe. Sure.”  _

 

“Lance?” 

 

Lance’s eyes snapped open, and he found Pidge leaning over him and shaking his shoulder. Her glasses shone white in the dark, reflecting light from the TV. 

 

“You were mumbling in your sleep.” 

 

Lance rubbed his face. “Mmm...sorry. Where is everyone?” 

 

“Went to grab drinks before we started Bloody Tides...erm, and tissues for Shiro, I guess. Keith said he’d grab you something.” 

 

Lance hummed and stretched his arms above his head until his back popped. He grunted and settled back in. 

 

“Bad dream?” Pidge asked. 

 

“Nah. It was a good one. The other Lance...well, it doesn’t matter.” 

 

Pidge’s brow furrowed. “The other Lance...wait, you’re not still connected to him, are you?” 

 

Lance gave her a sheepish shrug. 

 

“Damn it Lance, don’t you know how dangerous that is? You could get sucked back in! Or worse! Why didn’t you tell me so I could stop it?” 

 

Lance winced. “I don’t want you to stop it.”

 

“Lance!” 

 

“Pidge, please.” Lance begged. “I just...I like to check in on him.” 

 

“Why? What’s he got to worry about?” 

 

Lance looked away. 

 

“Look, if it gets any worse, or you feel like maybe you don’t have control anymore, you  _ have  _ to tell me so I can do something about it, okay?” 

 

Lance nodded mutely. 

 

“Good.” she huffed, then fell back to her side of the couch. “I worry about you, you know.” 

 

Lance smirked. “Awwww, you do care.” 

 

“Of course I care.” she grumbled. “You’re like a second really annoying dorky brother that I don’t want.”

 

“Such a sweet-talker. You been taking lessons from Keith?” 

 

She stretched to kick at him, and he lazily swatted at her socked foot. The others returned to the room, and Keith dropped back into his spot next to Lance, handing him a juice pouch. 

 

Maybe it’s the remnants of the dream, maybe Lance is still half asleep or maybe he just likes to live dangerously or maybe it’s the outrageous flirt in him, but he opens his mouth and the words, “Thanks, babe,” come tumbling out. 

 

Keith freezes. It’s dark and his hair is in his face, so Lance can’t see if he looks horrified or pleased. 

 

And Pidge, Pidge must have super hearing or something because there’s practically a snap when her head swivels around to look at Lance. No one else heard, or is reacting at least, but Pidge did, and this is all a horrible, dreadful mistake. 

 

So Lance does what he always does when he screws up. He just acts like nothing happened. Cool as a cucumber, yep. He just opens his juice and takes a sip, and acts like everything is normal. After a moment, Keith maybe decides he misheard and relaxes into the couch again. 

 

Pidge stares at Lance until the movie starts. 

 

Shiro insisted that he was not crying at the end, even as he blinked furiously and dabbed at his eyes with a tissue. Lance did not judge at all, and couldn’t, as tears were flowing freely down his face. Especially when the two commandos who were maybe in love but definitely at least banging ran towards their deaths to give the rest of the team time to get out. What a way to go.

 

Lance really, really hopes that Pidge leaves what he said earlier alone, but she corners him after the movie as everyone else shuffled off to bed. Her eyes are lit up with curiosity, and Lance really wishes that for once there could just be one thing that she didn’t have to know. 

 

“Why did you call Keith babe?” she asked.

 

“I didn’t.” he snapped. 

 

“No, you definitely did.”

 

Lance crossed his arms and looked away. 

 

“I heard you telling him about your boyfriend in the other universe.” 

 

God, damn it. Maybe Pidge did have super hearing. 

 

“Is that why you want to keep your dreams? So you can live vicariously...oh, my God. Holy quiznack, Keith - “

 

“Pidge, shut up.” Lance snapped. He’d honestly start crying if she forced him to admit this. “You have no idea. Just...stop, okay? Stop.” 

 

“But...I thought...Allura…”

 

Christ, Pidge actually looks confused. She probably thought Lance was straight. It’s not like they’d ever had that conversation. There was never a need to. And past experience is telling him that the less she knows about his feelings the better.

 

“I’m not one of your computer programs, Pidge.” he said harshly. “You can’t always expect things like this to go the way you want them to, or predict the outcome exactly every time.” 

 

She looked like he had slapped her in the face. “I know that, but you...you hate him.” 

 

Lance snorted. “Yeah, I used to. Before I knew him. But things changed, I guess. Or maybe they didn’t. Maybe it was always like this and I just wasn’t ready to admit it.” 

 

She’s still staring at him. 

 

“What?”

 

“I mean, I assumed Keith felt that way about you, but - “

 

Lance rolled his eyes. “No, he doesn’t.”

 

“Don’t be an idiot, Lance. The other day when Krolia threatened you and Keith stepped in. That’s a normal response for - “

 

“Oh, my God, do not finish that sentence the way I think you’re going to.” Lance groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Look, even if you’re right, he always puts the war first. So it’s better if I just - “

 

“Since when?” Pidge asked incredulously. “We’re talking about the same Keith, right? The Keith who put off finding a new Black Paladin for  _ months  _ to look for Shiro? Keith who left to find his mom?” 

 

“That’s different.” Lance protested. 

 

She examined him cooly. “I think you’re too busy wallowing in the idea that you can’t have something to realize that you actually can.” 

 

Lance turned away from her. “Just...stay out of it, Pidge.” 

 

He got halfway to the door before she called after him, “He smiled, you know.” 

 

Lance paused. 

 

“When you called him babe. He  _ blushed  _ and  _ smiled _ . For what it’s worth.” 

 

Lance resumed his exit. “Just leave it alone, Pidge.” 

 

~*~

 

Lance slept in Red that night. As soon as he stepped in the open mouth, he was greeted with a warm nudging at the corner of his mind, that instantly retreated. No prying, no demands for action. Red just accepted that he needed space and let him have it. 

 

When the switch first happened, he missed Blue fiercely. Blue was familiar. Blue felt like the warm tug of the ocean on a calm day. Benevolent. Accepting. 

 

In comparison, Red was burning and scorching. It took Lance a while to realize that Red was the whip of rain in a storm, the crash of a wave in a hurricane. The ocean had its darker days, and once Lance remembered that, Red was a little easier to pilot. Once he remembered that sometimes love could be fierce and protective. Proud. 

 

Dualities, he thinks as he curls up under the thin thermal blanket that kept him warm in the vast emptiness of space. He wonders if University Keith added to his set of busts. Maybe he made one of himself. The fierceness of love seemed like a good theme for him. 

 

He fell asleep with the warmth of Red’s presence ticking his mind, which is exactly what he wanted. He used to have sleepovers with Hunk and Pidge when they missed their families. And when Pidge found Matt and her dad it just kind of...stopped. She had her brother back, so why would she need a surrogate? 

 

He doesn’t dream of the other Lance, maybe it’s Red blocking that out. He’s surprised to find that he’s waking up feeling refreshed for the first time in months. His communicator is on the floor where he left it, lit up and blinking Keith’s name at him. 

 

“Hello?” he mumbles after he accepts the call. 

 

“Lance, where are you?” Keith grumbled. “You weren’t in your room and your mother chased me down the hall with a sandal.” 

 

Lance snorted. “You woke her up, didn’t you?” 

 

“You weren’t answering. We have training.” 

 

“Right. Yeah, sorry. I’ll meet you on the field, okay? Let me just...I think I have shorts in my locker.” 

 

“Where are you?” 

 

“Felt like sleeping in Red last night.” 

 

“Why?” 

 

_ Because I’m tired of sleeping alone, and as desperate as it is this giant robotic cat reminds me of you _ . 

 

“No reason.” he says instead. 

 

Keith, very much like the Lion he used to pilot, lets it slide. Lance needs space, so he gives it to him. 

 

“Just get here before your mother comes after me again.” 

 

Lance chuckled. “Behold, the power of the chancla. Don’t worry, I won’t let her hurt your mullet. I’ll be there soon.” 

 

“Lance, it’s not  - “

 

Lance ended the communication with a slight smirk. He’d never get tired of getting Keith to break his resting bitch face. Too bad it was harder to get him to smile. 

 

_ He smiled when you called him babe.  _

 

Lance groaned and rolled out of bed. Pidge better fucking behave herself. He was getting a lot better with a sword and he would not hesitate if she did something stupid like tell Keith anything. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ughhhh, my update schedule is all screwed up, and I'm sorry. Mix of having plans on Sunday and Monday, which lead to drinking which does not help with writing, contrary to popular belief, and the internet at my house being down and I hate writing on my phone. My deepest apologies. Hopefully we'll be back on track early next week. 
> 
> Side bar, does Lance call his sister 'Ronnie' in cannon? I don't think so. Trying to remember.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance changes his approach, and the team forgets that they have rules.

**_And how do we measure the distance from spirit to spirit?_ **

**_And who do we find to blame?_ **

**_-Quellcrist Falconer,_ ** **_Poems and Other Provocations_ ** **_(Richard K Morgan,_ ** **_Altered Carbon_ ** **_)_ **

 

~*~

 

Lance’s punishment ended soon enough, but he was still walking on eggshells around Pidge. Pidge hadn’t brought what happened on movie night up again, but given the fact that she wasn’t great with emotions he didn’t trust her not to.

 

Besides, way too many people were in the know. Veronica, Pidge, Hunk. Sometimes Shiro gave him looks that suggested he knew something. Allura had clocked way too many vargas watching BiBohBi soap reruns on the CastleShip because she was definitely smiling at Lance like she knew something every time he was in the same room as Keith. Coran, God bless Coran, was the only person treating him like normal.

 

Keith didn’t seem to know anything, though if he kept blushing every time Lance turned up unexpected Lance wouldn’t be able to control his actions anymore.

 

Lance used to sit up at night thinking about the things he’d do when he got back to Earth. Now he thought about the things he’d do when the war was over.

 

First, he was going for a swim. It seemed so trivial, but he still hadn’t gone in the ocean since he returned. And now there was something almost poetic about it. The war would end, and he’d wash all the blood away in the warm surf. It wouldn’t really fix anything, or actually clear him of his sins, but it seemed worth waiting for.

 

Second, while he was in  the ocean, he was going to think long and hard about what to do with the rest of his life. He had lied to get into the Garrison, which was supposed to be the rest of his life. Now he had options. He could stay on Earth, or he could go elsewhere. Rebuild elsewhere. Or even hop around different planets, if he really wanted to. He had to think about it, and right now there were a lot of other things to worry about. He’d think about his after when he was sure he actually had one.

 

Finally, when he had his answers, he’d tell Keith how he felt. And maybe he’d want to have Lance’s future with him. And if not, well, then Lance would simply have to spend more time in the ocean figuring out what the hell to do with his life.

 

Step three took up a lot of his thoughts now. He turned over what he’d say, over and over, until the words were burned on the inside of his skull. Lance was often distracted by pretty things, but when it came to this, to Keith, it was different. So different. It was the difference between missing a step on the stairs and falling off the edge of the pool and right into the deep end. One you were immediately okay, the other you couldn’t breathe and the sensation haunted you for months.

 

Lance used to think he was a good swimmer, but Keith was determined to drown him. Not that he seemed to be doing it intentionally.

 

They were all sitting in the officer’s lounge after dinner, killing time before it was a reasonable hour to go to bed, when Veronica turned up with a battered cardboard box.

 

“Come on, Lance, let’s see if you still got it.”

 

Lance was sitting on the floor, reading some information Kolivan had provided on Galra flight patterns. He already knew all of it from experience, but he was reading the reports in vain anyway. There had to be something he wasn’t thinking of. Something to find Haggar with…

 

He looked up at his sister, eyebrow raised. “Still got what?”

 

She rattled the Risk board under his nose. “Take a break. Or you won’t sleep.”

 

“Yeah, and a nice, six hour, stress-free strategy game will help. Nice try, Ronnie.”

 

She snatched the tablet from his grasp and bopped him on the head with it. “Don’t call me that.”

 

“Owww…” Lance whined.

 

“Please, I barely touched you. Come on, we can start the game and finish it tomorrow.”

 

Lance sighed and pulled himself up off the floor, groaning as a few of his joints cracked in a not great way. He looked over at Keith, who had been listening to Pidge explain the noise dampeners she was trying to install in their boots for their paladin armor.

 

“Keith, wanna play?”

 

Keith looked up at him, and shock flitted across his face for a moment. Then a blush. “I don’t know how…”

 

“It’s very simple.” Lance reassured, then smiled slightly. “Scared?” he baited.

 

“No.” Keith scowled.

 

“Worried you’ll lose?”

 

He stood and pushed past Lance to sit at the conference table. “What are the rules?”

 

Veronica smirked at her youngest brother, who ignored her and started sweet talking Hunk into playing, and Pidge by extension. Soon, everyone was sitting at the table and Lance was briefly explaining the rules while Veronica set up the board and assigned countries. They then began taking turns placing armies on each country.

 

“Your hair’s getting long, Lance.” Veronica observed, trying to distract Lance while he considered the board.

 

“Not a lot of hairdressers in space.” Lance replied mindlessly.

 

“Careful, Lance.” Keith smirked across the table at him, looking up from lining up his red armies. “People might start to think you have a mullet.”

 

Lance sputtered. “Wha - no! It’s - shut your quiznack.”

 

“Still not using it properly.”

 

“I did not introduce you to each other so you could gang up on me.”

 

“I like this game.” Pidge decided.

 

“Oh, the smack-talk is the best part.” Hunk agreed. “Also, it’s the only way to beat Lance.”

 

The set up finally ended and the game started. Veronica locked down Australia pretty quickly, and Lance started building up a power base in southern Africa. Hunk locked down Canadian territories pretty early on, and started fighting Pidge for the rest of the continent.

 

Keith had no idea what he was doing. Part of Lance thought it was adorable, the other part was an overwhelming desire to crush him. Well, some things never changed.

 

Keith was playing the same way he fought. Pushing offense. Defense? Didn’t know the meaning of the word. He also seemed to be trying for Eurasia, which was a rookie mistake. Lance knew he just had to wait for Keith to spread himself too thin, and he could just sweep through his territories. Same way they had done when Zarkon fell…

 

Lance rested his chin on his hand, looking across the board and Keith but not really seeing him. He was watching Hunk carefully select his next move.

 

Was it a Galra trait? Not knowing how to play defense? Something to do with the race’s inherent aggression? Or did they just not teach it in their flight schools? Not even the Blade taught defensive maneuvers, but then they valued the mission over the individual. The only thing that separated them from religious fanatics was the lack of glorification of their martyrs.

 

The Galra didn’t play defense. They hadn’t had the need to, until Voltron came back. They expanded across the universe unchallenged, big stick in hand. They had their armies, quintessence, Altean alchemy…

 

Haggar wasn’t Galra…

 

Lance dropped the blue calvary piece he had been fiddling with. He stared at Keith in horror, still not seeing him, while Keith seemed to finally notice his gaze.

 

“Lance, what’s wrong?” Keith frowned at him.

 

“I’m an idiot.” Lance whispered.

 

“Tell us something we don’t know.” Pidge smirked.

 

Lance jumped up and disturbed the board in the process, toppling pieces over and scattering some off their countries. Everyone shouted in protest, but Lance was already sprinting out of the room.

 

He almost skidded into the elevator doors, and punched the button a few times. He groaned when the sign above told him the carriage was on the ground floor.

 

“Lance?” Keith called after him, coming down the hallway.

 

Lance ignored him and pushed through the door to the stairs next to the elevator, quickly losing breath as he took the steps two at a time. So much for all that training. He made it up two flights by the time he heard Keith’s feet pounding after him.

 

Before he knew it, he reached the right floor and skidded to a stop outside of Coran’s living quarters. He impatiently knocked a few times, then bent over to rest his hands on his knees and try to catch his breath.

 

Good God, Keith was going to be pissed that his training regiment wasn’t working.

 

That didn’t matter. If Lance was right, he could end the war. And then...no more training. He could find other pathetic excuses to spend time with Keith.

 

He pounded on the door again and wheezed, “Coran! Open up!”

 

Keith was jogging down the hall towards him, thankfully a little flushed from the exercise.

 

“What’s wrong?” Keith demanded. “Why’d you take off like that?”

 

Lance shook his head. “We’ve been so stupid. Thinking about it all wrong. Coran!”

 

The door finally slid open to reveal the Altean in a fuzzy white bathrobe. Honestly, Lance was a little surprised there weren’t curlers in his mustache.

 

“Lance?” Coran sounded surprised, but it didn’t show on his face until he saw Keith next to him. “Keith? To what do I owe the pleasure?”

 

“Honevera. Before she was Haggar.” Lance coughed and rubbed his chest, still trying to control his breathing. “What sort of military training did she have?”

 

“You better come in.” Coran said, stepping aside to allow them access.

 

Coran’s room was almost exactly like Lance’s. Single bunk, closet, small efficient bathroom, desk. Lance sat on the desk chair and Keith posted up against the wall while Coran sat on the edge of his bed.

 

“We keep treating Haggar like she’s Galra. Like she thinks like a Galra.” Lance was babbling before he was even fully seated. “And she is, living with them for ten thousand years or whatever, but _before_ that she was Altean. So, if she’s smart, which she is, she’s not going to act like a Galra when she knows we’re looking for her.”

 

Coran hesitated. “Honevera was a scientist. She worked directly for King Alfor but she never underwent what you would consider military training.”

 

“Nothing?” Lance pushed. “Not even just...basics. Some sort of tactical training or...I don’t know. Boot camp?”

 

“What?” Coran’s mustache twitched. “Camping in boots? Isn’t that - ”

 

“Nevermind that. Just...can you think of anything?”

 

Coran shook his head. “Sorry, m’boy. I didn’t know her very well, but she was very vocal about her brains being used for knowledge and exploration. She had quite a few arguments with Emperor Zarkon about it, if I remember correctly.”

 

Lance sagged in his chair. He had been so sure…

 

“What about tactical meetings she may have been privy to?” Keith suggested. “She was Zarkon’s wife when he flew the Black Lion, right? It wouldn’t have been uncommon for her to be in attendance, especially if she had her own findings to report.”

 

Lance looked at Coran hopefully again.

 

“Well, no, it wasn’t uncommon, though how much she might have learned…”

 

Lance shook his head, but his heart soared. He was right! “Minds like that...look at Pidge. She absorbs _everything_. I’m pretty sure she remembers things about me that I don’t.”

 

She certainly managed to pick up on things Lance didn’t want her to.

 

“What’s all this about, boys?” Coran finally asked.

 

“We’ve been thinking about this all the wrong way.” Lance explained. “I think...we keep looking for her the same way we look for Galra warships. But what if Haggar’s playing from a totally different handbook? From _King Alfor’s_ handbook? Allura said Zarkon was the better leader but Alfor was the strategist, right?”

 

“You think she’s using Altean strategies?”

 

“Altean defensive strategies, specifically. I realized it watching Keith play Risk earlier - I would have beaten you in three rounds, by the way. Four, if Pidge took Southwest Europe - “

 

“Wha - like hell - “ Keith sputtered.

 

“Galra tactics are always about a hard, fast hit. A strong wall on the outside. But you get through that, and there isn’t much stopping you.”

 

Coran studied him, and Lance suddenly felt nervous. What the hell did he know, anyway? Were there any differences between Galra and Altean battle tactics? And Jesus, he knew that to Coran, King Alfor was almost a symbol of everything he had lost. How could he ask him to dig into those memories -  

 

“Well, we can certainly look into it.” Coran agreed.

 

Lance straightened up again. “Yeah?”

 

“We can meet up after breakfast and get started on this idea. But for now, young paladins, it is late and my sleep cycle is not what it used to be.”

 

Lance’s eyes ran over the clock on the wall and he winced. “Oops, sorry. I got excited.”

 

Keith’s lips twitched upwards in amusement as he pushed off the wall. “Come on, Lance. We should get to bed too.”

 

They said goodbye to Coran and headed back into the hallway. Lance stretched his arms over his head and yawned.

 

“Four turns?” Keith asked. “Really?”

 

Lance glanced at him and smirked. “Probably. I mean, I can’t account for the outcome of the dice rolls, but I can predict what you’ll do. Don’t feel bad. I’ve been playing with my family since forever.”

 

Keith grunted, probably knowing there was more to it than that. Lance knew how he thought, and even in his recklessness there was some measure of predictability.

 

“You never played strategy games with Shiro?” Lance asked, slightly puzzled. “I would have thought he’d be all over family game night.”

 

Keith smiled slightly. “He was. He was always trying to get Adam to play this Japanese game with him. Go. It’s sort of like chess. Adam usually ended up getting frustrated and flipping the board. We stuck to poker.”

 

Lance snorted and nudged him. “Sounds like someone I know.”

 

“Shiro always had the patience of a saint. I don’t know how he put up with both of us…”

 

Keith’s voice faltered a little bit, and Lance bit his lip. “Do you miss him?”

 

Keith rarely mentioned Adam. Less than Shiro, if that was possible. Lance always got the sense that they were never that close, even if during school breaks Keith would stay with him and Shiro in their tiny apartment in Travis. Lance knew that in the alternate universe, Keith and Adam hadn’t gotten along. He wouldn’t be surprised if the same was true here.

 

“I miss how happy he made Shiro.” Keith hesitated. “And, yeah, I miss him, I guess. I wish he hadn’t died. But...we fought a lot. I don’t miss that. I guess, sometimes you see a lot of yourself in someone else and it’s not always pleasant.”

 

They had reached Keith’s room, and Lance leaned against the wall to keep talking. They so rarely had the chance to have these conversations - well, actual conversations, really. In front of everyone else they reverted to bickering, almost like an act. Because it was expected of them.

 

“Like what?” Lance prompted. Might as well keep this going as long as he could, especially without Pidge and her super hearing around.

 

Keith sighed and looked at the ceiling. “Stubborn. He was so stupidly stubborn. Honestly, the guy would put his life on the line for a bottle cap if you told him he couldn’t have it.”

 

Lance smirked slightly. “Yeah, I can imagine how dealing with that might be infuriating.”

 

Keith scowled at him. “Shut up, like you’re much better.”

 

Lance chuckled. “Please, I’m not stubborn. I just like winding you up.” Lance felt blood rush to his cheeks when he realized what he said, and he cleared his throat. “What else?”

 

Keith was considering him, eyebrows furrowed like he did when something wasn’t making sense - honestly, the way their lives were Lance was surprised his face wasn’t stuck like that. But then he relaxed and looked away. Words started spilling out, and Lance wondered if Keith realized how much he actually knew about Adam.

 

“He was ruthless when he teased, but he knew when to stop. He’d be on me for picking fights and being grumpy but he never said anything actually mean. When he was screwing around he called Shiro ‘Tak’, like short for ‘Takeshi’, which Shiro hated. He thought Shiro was _funny_. He’s not. Ever. And he’d tell Shiro he wasn’t funny but he’d be smiling so you’d know he was lying. Ugh, it was just gross, really, how in love they were.”

 

That was a sobering thought.

 

“How’s Shiro dealing?” Lance asked.

 

“He isn’t.” Keith sighed, concern edging into his voice. “They broke up before the Kerobus mission, but Shiro’s kind of a hopeless romantic. I think maybe he thought he could win Adam back or something. Or at least stay friends. And now…”

 

“Now it’s not possible.” Lance finished.

 

“He hasn’t been to his grave, yet.” Keith was almost talking to himself, not looking at Lance. “He’ll sit in the Memorial Hall for hours but...maybe the grave is too real. Like if he goes, it’s admitting that he’s really dead.”

 

“He thinks Adam is still alive?”

 

“No, but...when you lose someone like that, you go through great lengths to act like everything is fine.”

 

Lance cringed, knowing he was speaking from experience. He couldn’t even imagine that kind of pain. And God, he’d spend enough time thinking about it. What he would do if he lost Hunk, or Pidge. Keith...Keith fucking off with the Blade had been bad enough, when they didn’t hear from him for weeks on end. Matt pulling him aside to tell him what Keith had attempted on Nazlexa, and when Lance wanted to yell at him until his veins burst he was already gone.

 

Keith seemed to remember who he was talking to, and almost jumped away from him. “Anyway...I - “

 

“I should go help clean up the game.” Lance said, pushing off the wall. “Speaking of flipped boards.”

 

The corner of Keith’s mouth twitched. “You had good reason.”

 

“I hope so.” he muttered.

 

“Lance?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“You’ll find her.”

 

Lance looked back at him, and was taken aback by his expression. It was somehow...fond. And oddly confident. In him. That was another dangerous look. That was the kind of look that would send Lance charging into battle without a second thought.

 

“Even if this isn’t the answer, you always have good plans.”

 

Lance scratched the back of his head. “Uhh...thanks, man.”

 

Keith smiled slightly. “See you at training tomorrow?”

 

“Yeah. See you then.”

 

Keith went into his room, and Lance set off down the hall, waiting for the elevator this time. He turned over what Keith had said about Adam in his mind. He had said they didn’t get along, but there was a slight fondness there. They hadn’t gotten along because they were both stubborn. Lance could only imagine the headaches Shiro had because his twenty-something fiance wouldn’t stop arguing with his thirteen year old protege.

 

Lance wondered if Keith had anything else in common with Adam. If Adam had been quiet and serious, if maybe he had gotten in fights when he was young too. He wondered if Adam loved as deeply and fiercely as Keith did, evident in the way he protected Pidge and refused to let Shiro go.

 

How the hell had Shiro managed?

 

Feeling a headache coming on, he stepped into the elevator and turned his mind back to Haggar. It was a little messed up that that was less stressful than beautiful dark haired boys and dead fiances.

 

When he walked back into the officer’s lounge, the board game had disappeared with Veronica and Hunk. Pidge was sitting on the couch, reading something on her tablet.

 

“Oh, you’re back.” Pidge said mildly. “Any particular reason you ran out of here after staring at Keith for ten minutes?”

 

“I had an idea on how to find Haggar.” Lance explained. Than, “It wasn’t ten minutes.”

 

“You had literal heart eyes, Lance.”

 

He ignored her and picked up the tablet he had been reading from before the game. He wouldn’t need all the files Kolivan had given him anymore, but he might as well hold onto them. You never knew what would come in handy.

 

“Galra mate for life, you know.”

 

Lance felt his face turn redder than his Lion. “Shut the fuck up, Pidge.”

 

“I’m just trying to help.” she sulked.

 

“How is that helpful?” he asked incredulously.

 

God, that word made him uncomfortable. Mate. It made Keith sound more like he was half dog. He doesn’t even know, or want to know, if the Galra actually use the term or if Pidge just being scientific.

 

She rolled her eyes. “I don’t know, maybe because it gives insight as to why Keith is so skittish even though he’s had the hots for you forever. Or why Krolia seems intent on keeping you away from him.”

 

Still flushed, he turned and stomped out of the room. “Don’t stay up too late.” he growled as he left.

 

~*~

 

Once they had adjusted their search parameters, it took all of two hours for Lance and Coran to find the shadow of a cloaked Galra cruiser, parked on the tail end of the Norma Arm of the Milky Way. Lance had done a victory dance all the way to the officer’s lounge to tell Shiro. Krolia had been there, and he was so happy he could ignore her comment about there being no joy in finding a battle cruiser so close.

 

“It looks like it’s been abandoned.” Coran said, reading the scans they had run. Behind him, a real-time image of the cruiser was projected onto the wall. Nestled tightly in an asteroid field. “Though, with Haggar, there’s no telling.”

 

“We’ll need a quiet approach.” Shiro said, “The Lions can - “

 

“We can’t take all of the Lions.” Hunk pointed out. “Earth would be defenseless.”

 

“What about the Atlas?” Lance reminded. The giant warship literally cast a shadow on the building they were in. “I thought the repairs were finished last month.”

 

“Yeah, about that…” Pidge said quietly.

 

“Katie!” Dr Holt groaned from his seat at the edge of the table.

 

“I may have taken out the communications panel to make improvements. And then had to rebuild the panel.”

 

“Oh, my God - “

 

“We thought we’d be done in like a day!” Pidge protested.

 

“We?”

 

“Matt and Hunk helped.”

 

Matt turned and scowled at his sister. “Traitor.”

 

“How long?” Shiro asked patiently. “Until we can at least run defense?”

 

Pidge, Matt and Hunk all exchanged a look.

 

“Three days.” Pidge says finally.

 

“We can’t wait that long.” Keith says, shaking his head. “Besides, I don’t like the idea of taking all five Lions. It could be a trap.”

 

“It’s always a trap.” Hunk grumbled. “Besides, there’s no way Yellow can make it through those asteroids.”

 

“Keith could do it.” Lance offered mindlessly, watching a particularly large rock knock into the cruiser. He cleared his throat. “Erm, probably.”

 

“Maybe in Red.” Keith shook his head. When Lance looked up at him, his eyes were hard and serious, but there was a small smile on his lips. “Black is too big and slow.”

 

Lance knows this is his moment to step up. Red’s fast, good with tight turns. And no, Lance is not anything near the pilot Keith is but he’s way past crashing simulators on a technicality error. But there’s something he’d forgotten about.

 

“We can do it.” James Griffin volunteers.

 

Everyone in the room turns to look at him. Honestly, they had slipped into their familiar planning mode so easily Lance almost forgot he was here. Hell, he almost thought he was on the Castle of Lions, not on Earth.

 

Pidge turned and rose an eyebrow at him. “The MFE jets aren’t deep space ready.” she told him cooly. “Lance’s Lion is also a lot faster. He’s the obvious choice to take Keith.”

 

Wait, since when was Keith going?

 

“One of our pilots should be on the mission.” James was insisting. “Our skills - “

 

“Oh, I’m sorry.” Pidge was leaning forward on the table. “Did you gain the ability to read Galra in the past month? Or join the Blade of Mamora and become a badass ninja?”

 

Lance coughed to hide a laugh. Pidge looked over at him and winked. Her father grumbled in disapprovement in her language.

 

“And what’s McClain bringing to the table?” James snapped. “Aside from his ship? We need experience as pilots if - “

 

“Lance has experience.”Allura’s voice cut across James’ like a knife. Which was good, because James was practically whining. “Lance knows what to expect from a Galra battlecruiser.”

 

“I still don’t - “

 

Keith slammed a fist on the table, making everyone in the room jump. “This isn’t a game, James!” he snarled. “Missions like this, when everything goes to hell there isn’t time to wait for orders and there is no back up. I trust Lance to make a plan and get out safe.”

 

A warmth bubbled in Lance’s chest, in spite of the chilly atmosphere in the room.

 

Keith turned his gaze on Lance, his eyes full of a fire that nearly gives Lance a heart attack. “Can you be ready to go in two vargas?”

 

Lance lets a lazy smile spread across his face, and it feels real for the first time in a long time. “Sure. I’ll drive.”

 

They go over a few other notes - what model cruiser this is, why it might have been abandoned. Coran highlighted several points of entry on the image for them, noting that the airlock closest to the bridge was smashed, probably by an asteroid. When they finally break, Keith seems to look like he’s only going to maim Griffin, but not kill him.

 

Lance and Keith leave together, but not speaking. Lance is running through a checklist in his head - wow, he can actually tell his mother goodbye before leaving for a mission. He doesn’t know if that’s a good change or a bad one.

 

“Lance.”

 

He looks around at Keith. “What’s up, man?”

 

“You do want to come, right?” He’s hesitating. “I’m not forcing you - “

 

“And miss a chance to rescue you?” Lance smirked at him with a confidence he does not feel. “Yeah, right.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back on track! 
> 
> Also, after my internet was fixed, the technician said to me, "Welcome back", which was probably supposed to be some sort of focus-group approved line that was meant to be kind of funny and nice but it just made me think that maybe I had been reconnected to the Matrix or something. I watch too much TV.
> 
> So, I'm thinking this story will probably only have a few more chapters. Then I have ideas for a Keith-centered follow up, and possibly an adoption story after that. Both will most likely be shorter. 
> 
> As a warning, chapters nine and ten are going to be...difficult. I've gone over these parts so many times in my head (nine is written, ten is not) that I'm sort of desensitized to them so I don't even know if they deliver the emotions that I want them to. 
> 
> Also I just finished reading a whole bunch of works by europa_report and holy shit they're amazing. My chest actually started hurting. Point is, I'm seriously doubting my own abilities to rip your hearts out so if this story is starting to fall flat I'm sorry.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance and Keith go exploring - Part One

**_“There are some arenas so corrupt that the only clean acts possible are nihilistic.”_ **

**_-Quellcrist Falconer_ **

**_(Richard K Morgan,_ ** **_Altered Carbon)_ **

 

~*~

 

Unfortunately, they don’t leave in two vargas. Because suddenly they need clearance.

 

It was weird. They had spent so long just doing what they felt was necessary. Responding to distress calls as they came, exploring and discovering and fighting where Shiro and Allura thought they were needed most. Now they had a higher power to answer to, and it didn’t feel right. 

 

Shiro looked frustrated when he found Keith and Lance sitting on the flight deck, completely ready to go.

 

“They want one of the MFE’s to go.” Shiro explained. 

 

“No.” Keith said shortly.

 

This was pretty obviously most likely a trap. No one had said it, but everyone was thinking it. Lance didn’t want to have to worry about an inexperienced MFE pilot wandering around the cruiser while he and Keith tried to get intel. Apparently, the Garrison saw things differently. 

 

“Why?” Lance asked incredulously. “We don’t need a third person. The ship’s abandoned. We could do this in our sleep.” 

 

Shiro grimaced. “They want one of their people there to -”

 

“Babysit.” Keith finished. “Because I’m a drop out and Lance is a cargo pilot.”

 

“No, that’s...well, yes, but…”

 

“We saved the planet like two months ago!” Lance said incredulously. “And like I don’t know, half the known universe before that? We don’t need a babysitter!”

 

“Lance, I know this is an easy mission for you, but they don’t. And honestly, there’s safety in numbers -”

 

“Then we’ll take Pidge. Or Matt. But James Griffin is not getting within spitting distance of Red.” 

 

Shiro sighed, almost disappointed in Lance’s brattyness. “What about Kinkade? Or Nadia?”

 

“They’ve never been in space before! If something goes wrong, I don’t want them getting hurt.”

 

“Jesus, Lance -”

 

“Shiro, either they give us clearance, or we just go.” Keith finally said. “We answer to you, and Allura. Not them”

 

“Calm down, I’m just trying to make this work.” 

 

Lance felt bad then. Shiro was only doing his best. Voltron wasn’t at the command of the Garrison, but technically they were using up a lot of its resources. And it made sense that they wanted their own man on the mission. Before being paladins, they all were rebels in their own way. Keith chafed under authority figures and Lance was a troublemaker and Pidge hacked anything she could and Shiro literally did the one thing Adam told him not to. Even Hunk was known to tamper with equipment when he thought something was unjust. And it wasn’t like blasting off into space had adjusted any of that behavior. 

 

“Just, be ready to leave, okay?”

 

It wasn’t until early the next morning that they were finally allowed to leave. Lance hugged his sleepy siblings and kissed the twins’ foreheads, but his mother insisted on walking him to Red. He kept an arm around her shoulders to make her feel better. 

 

“Really, Mama, it’ll be easy. A chance for Red to stretch his legs.” Lance reassured. “Me and Keith have a perfect record.” 

 

Maybe not strictly true, but she didn’t have to know that. She held her coffee mug close to her chest, but didn’t drink it. When they reached Red, the sun was just coming up. This was the time that Keith and Lance usually went out for their run. 

 

Keith was waiting next to Red’s gangplank. He was scratching behind Cosmo’s ears, smiling slightly while he spoke to Shiro. Rubina stopped and looked up at her youngest. 

 

“Be careful.” she pleaded. 

 

“Yeah, Mama. Always.” he reassured. God, he hated lying to her. “I’ll be back before you know it.” 

 

She grimaced at his armor, reaching out to rub a smudge of dirt off his breastplate. Then she leaned up and kissed his cheek. When she pulled away, she looked like she wanted to say something and couldn’t find the words. She turned and walked back towards the building, and Lance’s heart hurt a little. 

 

Lance walked back towards Red, passing Shiro, who wished him safe travels. Keith was standing alone now, Cosmo would not be joining them. He shifted slightly, like a kid waiting impatiently for the car to be unlocked. 

 

“Lance!”

 

Lance stopped and turned to see Coran jogging towards them. He slowed down as he got close. 

 

“Number five asked me to bring you this. If you install it on the bridge, she can access the logs and determine what happened.”

 

“Oh, awesome.” Lance took the small, silver drive from him. “Where is she? I was hoping to say goodbye.” 

 

“Well, she did stay up all night on it and her last words to me were, ‘Sleep is for the weak’, and fell asleep on her lab bench.” 

 

Lance sighed. Sounded about right. 

 

Coran rested a hand on his shoulder. “Lance, be careful. We may have found a ship, but we haven’t found the spy.” 

 

“I thought you didn’t think there was a spy.” Lance said. “That it’s all just our horrible, rotten Voltron luck.” 

 

“I don’t want there to be a spy, m’boy, but that doesn’t mean I don’t think there is one.” Coran smiled slightly. “King Alfor always had a seventh sense about these things, and you remind me so much of him.” 

 

Lance flushed at the compliment. Then something made him stop. “Wait...seventh sense?” 

 

Coran winked at him. “Good luck, keep Keith out of trouble.” 

 

“Yeah, always do. Thanks, Coran.” 

 

Lance resumed his walk towards Keith and Red. Up close, Keith looked a little tired. In fact, he yawned as Lance approached. 

 

“Sleep well?” Lance grinned at him. 

 

Keith scowled at him. “Let’s just get going.” 

 

“Alright, grumpy-mullet-pants.”

 

“Maybe I should have taken James if you were going to call me that.” 

 

The threat was flat, and the sentence didn’t really make sense, and Lance smiled. His Keith did like to sleep in. 

 

“Come on, you can sleep on the way.” 

 

They climbed up into the cockpit, Lance sliding into his chair and Keith standing behind him. Lance reached for the controls, and hesitated for a second. With Keith here, would Red respond to him? 

 

A short wave of anger from Red washed over him, then reassurance. The controls instantly responded, and the red lights washed over them. 

 

If Lance had grown and changed in order to fill this seat, then so had Keith. Evident in the way the mantle of leadership rested on those magnificently broad shoulders. 

 

Allura’s voice came over the com. “Good luck, Paladins.” 

 

“Thanks, Allura.” Keith said. “Let’s go, sharpshooter.” 

 

~*~

 

All the things they had seen, all the wonders of the cosmos, and they had never seen their own galaxy. Lance hoped he could actually explore it one day. For now, he had to be content with watching stars and their systems flying past his windows while Red’s internal maps told him their names. Keith dozed leaning on the wall behind him, quiet but restless. 

 

Lance wasn’t in any rush, but still the trip didn’t take long. He shook Keith awake just before entering the asteroid field.  

 

“Watch out for - “

 

“Yeah, I know.” 

 

If only there was a way to get video of this, of Red and Lance navigating the field. Show everyone he was so much more than the cargo pilot that left the Earth all those years ago. That he deserved this seat, and this title, and he was only as good as the Black Paladin that believed in him. 

 

The purple hull of the battle cruiser loomed ahead of them, dark and forbidding. Keith’s face was set at he studied it. 

 

“No obvious damage.” he said. 

 

“What would have attacked it?” Lance asked. “It’s not like there’s weblum out here.” 

 

“That we know of.” 

 

“You two are arguing already?” Pidge’s voice came over the comms. “You’re not even there yet.” 

 

“Shut up Pidge, it helps me focus.” 

 

“How does - “

 

“What do you see?” Allura asked, cutting across the Green Paladin. 

 

“Ship’s dead in the water.” Keith said. “Connecting video now.” 

 

Lance nodded and reached over broadcast the external cameras back to Earth. There were a few seconds of silence, and then - 

 

“I don’t see any water.” 

 

“It’s an expression.” Pidge explained. “Means it’s not moving.”

 

“Where should I set Red down?” Lance asked. 

 

Keith scanned the ship. “There. Right above those thrusters. We should have a clear path to the bridge.” 

 

Lance set Red down where directed and immediately turned on the particle barrier, turning the strength up as far as it would go. Hopefully if any stray asteroids wandered this way, Red wouldn’t get damaged. 

 

“You guys are going to enter right near the holding cells.” Pidge warned. “Even if the ship’s completely non-functional, there’s a good chance we’ll lose contact.” 

 

A new voice burst over the comms. Krolia. “Don’t look in the cells.” she warned. “Prisoners would not have been priority in an evacuation.” 

 

Lance’s throat was dry, and he and Keith didn’t look at each other. “Roger that. Alright, samurai, let’s get that airlock open.”

 

They donned their helmets and floated out of Red’s airlock, jet packs directing their decent down to the cruiser’s hull. Keith connected a small screen to the exterior lock of the door, and studied the Galran script filling the screen. A toy from the Blade, Lance guessed. After a moment, the door opened and they climbed in, struggling for a moment with vertigo as artificial gravity took hold. 

 

“I’ll never get used to that.” Lance grumbled. “Alright, guys, uh, talk to you soon.”

 

“Good luck.” Pidge said. 

 

Keith disconnected his device, and the door shut slowly. The chamber pressurized, and soon they were going through the next door. Lance raised his helmet to visor mode, bayard morphing out into blaster form. Keith’s sword was already raised. 

 

They walked through the halls, following a path Keith seemed to know. The heeded Krolia’s warning and didn’t look in any of the cells, but the hallways were clear. The lights were on. Life support was working. 

 

“This is weird.” Keith muttered. 

 

Lance nodded. He’d almost feel better if a Galra sentry came around the corner. At least then they’d know the ship was occupied. This was just...every horror film about abandoned ships, both naval and space worthy, flooding his mind at once. Featuring Haggar as the starring witch-demon-ghost-evil tycoon. 

 

Except instead of flickering lights and groans and hallucinations and abandoned dolls it was just...a hallway. Just a perfectly functional, empty cruiser. 

 

They entered a new section of the ship, this one a long corridor without doors. 

 

“Keith…” 

 

“This should connect us to the armory.” 

 

“Really not liking this.” 

 

Keith charged ahead anyway, leaving Lance to sigh and follow. When they reached the door at the end of the hall, they waited a beat before bursting through to…

 

Nothing. 

 

“This isn’t the armory.” 

 

“No, shit.” 

 

“Are you sure - “

 

“Yes, Lance, I’m sure!”

 

“Alright, God, don’t get your panties in a twist.” 

 

They moved up the hall, still cautious even though there was absolutely nothing to indicate any threat, which was a threat in itself. Then they came upon the doors. 

 

These doors were different. Three on each side of the hallway, inlaid with a large gem of a different color. Something was screaming at Lance in the back of his mind, but he reached out for the touchpad of the door with the white crystal. 

 

“Lance!” Keith hissed. 

 

“What?” Lance snapped. “How are we supposed to figure out what happened if we don’t poke around a bit? You were the one who was all gung-ho and charging around here.” 

 

Keith didn’t respond, just adjusted his grip on his bayard. Lance pushed the pad, and the door slid open. Uncertain, they stepped inside. 

 

They were in a palace courtyard. In spite of the noise dampeners, their boots tapped on white flagstone. Lance was enveloped in a scent that was vaguely floral, something similar to peonies but not quite. It was overpowering, so potent that he felt nauseous. Pink banners hung over white stone, flapping in a breeze that...didn’t exist. The banners moved, but there was no airflow. 

 

“What is this?” Keith asked, looking around. “There’s...I hear water, but…”

 

Lance backed out of the room, turning and seeing the onyx jewel across the hall from him. Bracing himself, he charged over and opened that door instead. 

 

If there could be a complete opposite of the white crystal room, it was this. The floor was brown clay, and stadium seating rose around them. Across the room was a figure in a Garrison flight uniform, glasses reflecting light back at them.

 

“Adam!”

 

“Keith, no!” 

 

Lance grabbed at him, but he slipped through his fingers. Cursing, he chased after him, skidding to a stop just behind him. Lance had only seen Keith looking that desperate once before, when Shiro disappeared. Now he had latched onto Adam’s arm, shaking it like a child looking for attention. Because as much as Keith said he hated Adam and they didn’t get along, he loved Adam in spite of their chafing similarities. 

 

Adam looked remarkably good for someone who had been blown up, picked up by the Galra, and left on an abandoned ship for God knew how long. In fact, Lance was willing to bet he looked exactly like he did the last time Shiro saw him. 

 

And his eyes were closed, and he wasn’t moving. Like he wasn’t alive. And Keith was pleading with him to wake up, and those alarms were still screaming in Lance’s head because everything about this room, this whole ship, was just wrong. 

 

“Come on, you idiot! Don’t you want to see Shiro? Have a big gross reunion or whatever?” 

 

“Keith…”

 

“Come on!” 

 

His fist swung back to punch him, but Lance grabbed his arm before it could surge forward. Before he could break his hand. 

 

“Keith it’s not him!” Lance shouted. 

 

“What - but it is him! Look!’ 

 

“Keith, he’s...a droid or something, I don’t know. Adam died on Earth.” 

 

Keith’s fist lowered slowly. 

 

“This is...some sort of torture chamber. For Shiro. This arena. That opponent.” 

 

Keith finally stepped back. “Oh...oh, my God.” 

 

Lance turned and looked around. “This is her. Haggar. She must have built these rooms for us. That last one, the castle, that must have been - “

 

“Altea. For Allura and Coran.” 

 

Lance took one more look at the Adam-bot, turned to march from the room. Past the amber and emerald doors. Keith followed him, grabbing his arm when he saw the door Lance was reaching for. 

 

“Lance, no way.” 

 

“Dude, it’s fine.” 

 

“Did you forget the part where these are personalized torture chambers?” 

 

“Obviously they aren’t operational! If it was, Adam-bot would had attacked us.” 

 

“There’s nothing to say they’re not. What if it only responds to the person it’s for?” 

 

“Keith, come on. I can beat a few droids. And we have to be sure.”

 

“Be sure of what?” 

 

But Lance was already pushing the touchpad, and the sapphire door slid open. 

 

A room. Just a large, empty room. Lance shrugged off Keith’s hand and stepped further into the room. Waiting for something to happen. For whatever Haggar thought his deepest fear was to come out and attack, but the attack never came. 

 

Lance made the mistake of grinning back at Keith. “Told you it wasn’t operational.” 

 

“Lance?” 

 

Lance’s blood ran cold. A small figure was stepping out of the shadows, white and green armour perfectly clean. Gold eyes narrowed in distrust at him. 

 

“Pidge? What are you doing here?” 

 

“I don’t need you to look out for me.” 

 

Lance’s heart was pounding in his ears. Was she going to attack him? Why was she here? They just talked to her. She was on Earth. 

 

“Lance, it’s just the chamber.” Keith’s voice was tight. “Come on, let’s get out of here.”

 

“I have Matt back.” Pidge said, advancing on Lance. He backed up, further into the room. “I don’t need you anymore.” 

 

“Pidge, I’m not trying to replace - “

 

“Honestly, you’d never measure up anyway.” she snapped bitterly. “Do you even understand half the things I say?”

 

“No, but we...I thought you liked hanging out with me and when I’d leave you snacks - “

 

“Lance, don’t listen to her.” Keith was tugging on his arm, trying to get his attention, but he couldn’t take his eyes off of Pidge. “She’s not real. Pidge loves you, you know that.”

 

“Hunk takes care of me.” Pidge’s voice was like ice. “I always wondered how you two were even friends. Do you have anything in common?” 

 

“I - yeah, of course - “

 

“Lance, come on!” 

 

Keith roughly pulled Lance’s arm, turning him around. But over Keith’s shoulder, his mother was advancing. Part of Lance’s brain was screaming that this wasn’t real, that there was no way his mother would ever be in space. 

 

But she was right there. And she’s smiling kindly, and holding her arms out. Lance pushed Keith out of the way and ran into her embrace, hugging as tight as he dared so his armor didn’t hurt her. She was soft, and if he didn’t have any armor on he knew she’d be warm. And she smelled like the lavender soap she used and faintly like the spices she cooked with. 

 

“It’s alright mijo, just let go.” she whispered. “It’s fine.” 

 

“Lance!” Keith was yelling, ripping him away from her. The force made Lance stumble and he tripped on his own feet. He landed on his ass, hard. “Stop it!” 

 

“It’s time to come home, where you’re supposed to be.” Rubina was continuing, still reaching for him. “They can find a new pilot.” 

 

Something snapped in Lance’s mind. “No...no, we talked about this...my place is...I’m in Red. With Keith. We said…”

 

“You’re just a placeholder, Lance.” Her voice was so kind, but the words were breaking Lance. His eyes and chest burned. “You were never meant for this.” 

 

“Placeholder for my brother, placeholder for Hunk.” Pidge was musing. “Placeholder for Red. I’d bet anything that if Lotor turned up tomorrow, Allura would still pick him over you.” 

 

All the air left Lance’s chest, and then Keith was kneeling in front of him, but he wasn’t, because he was next to him, but he was leaning in close. And he was beautiful, and smiling, and Lance was utterly helpless to him. 

 

“Just stop trying, Lance.” not-Keith smiled. It was a cruel mockery of kindness. “You’ll never keep up. You’ll just drag me down.”

 

“No.” Lance choked. “No, I won’t.”

 

“You think your place is with me? I’ll never accept you. I’ll never want you.”

 

“I’ll be whatever you need.” Lance whispered.

 

Pidge sighed. “That’s your problem, isn’t it? You always try to fill everyone's needs, instead of just taking what you want.”

 

“I don’t want you.” not-Keith repeated.

 

“I don’t care.” Lance whispered. 

 

“Yes you do.” His mother walked forward, standing behind not-Keith. “You care so much that you’re tearing yourself up in spite of it. But it doesn’t change the truth of your life, and your death. Surrounded by others, and so terribly alone.”

 

“Lance.”

 

Lance turned and looked at Keith, his Keith, who looked slightly afraid and very determined. He kept his eyes on Lance’s.

 

“You are enough for me.”

 

Lance took a deep breath. “Keith -”

 

“You have never once abandoned me. You’re the first to defend me, the first to make sure I’m alright. No matter how many times I screw up, how many times I push you away, you’re always there.” 

 

Lance found himself focusing on that stupid freckle on Keith’s nose again. A tiny reminder that he was only...well, half human. Mortal. That just as easily as he took down countless Galra sentries, his skin was just as fragile and susceptible to the sun as Lance’s. 

 

“There isn’t anyone I’d rather have at my side.” Keith said softly. “Just you.” 

 

Lance put a hand to his mouth, a vain hope that he could hold in the sobs that are trying to force themselves out of his throat. The droids are still talking, berating him, but Lance can barely hear because Keith, his Keith, is pulling him up and telling him it’s time to go. Lance stumbles as they walk, but catches himself. Keith puts a bracing arm around his back, pulling him forward. 

 

In the hallway, the lights aren’t any brighter, but at least Lance feels like he can breathe again. He takes a few deep breaths and tries to calm down, but it’s not really working because Keith is staring at him. God, what does he think? Lance feels like he’s been stripped absolutely bare and if there had to be one person that he never wanted to see that, it was Keith. 

 

“Are you - “ 

 

“I’m fine.” Lance said, his throat tight. “Just...give me a tick.” 

 

“There must have been some sort of gas or hypnosis thing to make you think it was real.” 

 

“Yeah.” 

 

“Lance, I…” 

 

Lance realizes for the first time since stepping into that room that Keith looks scared. He’s terrified, and not because he’d seen Lance come undone, because he’s seen that before. And not because of what Pidge said, because he could have guessed those things, or because of what his mother had said, because they had talked about it. And something clicks into place in Lance’s brain, when he remembers what not-Keith said. Because Keith may be a little oblivious when it comes to this stuff, but he’s smart enough to know what those words meant. Just one of Lance’s many insecurities, finally exposed. 

 

_ I’ll never want you.  _

 

_ I don’t care. _

 

But he does. He cares so much, and he wants so much. 

 

“Do we have to do this right now?” Lance begged off. “Here?” 

 

Keith opened his mouth, but whatever he was going to say died in his throat. He seemed to deflate a little. 

 

“No, we can...later.” 

 

“Great.” Lance took a deep breath. “Just...give me another minute.” 

 

Lance took a few more deep breaths, closing his eyes, and tried to clear his head. They had a mission. They had to figure out why the hell this cruiser had just been left here. And they had to find Haggar, so that they could have an after. An after where maybe Keith doesn’t look so scared of what Lance feels. 

 

Enough. Keith said he was enough. It doesn’t really matter what capacity he’s talking about, because Lance is enough. And that’s going to have to get him through until the after. 

 

When he opened his eyes, Keith’s thankfully not looking at him. He’s looking across the hall, at the scarlet crystal in the door. 

 

“Keith,” he starts carefully, “we should go.” 

 

Keith looks at him, and grimaces. “Yeah. I know what’s in there anyway.” His bayard reforms in his hands. “Come on, let’s get to the bridge.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Too dramatic? Oh, just wait. 
> 
> Feel I should warn everyone, next chapter includes some serious injuries. It's not particularly descriptive or gory, but just as a warning.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance and Keith go exploring, Part 2

**_“The personal, as everyone’s so fucking fond of saying, is political. So if some idiot politician, some power player, tries to execute policies that harm you or those you care about, take it personally. Get angry. The Machinery of Justice will not serve you here – it is slow and cold, and it is theirs, hardware and soft-. Only the little people suffer at the hands of Justice; the creatures of power slide from under it with a wink and a grin. If you want justice, you will have to claw it from them. Make it personal. Do as much damage as you can. Get your message across. That way, you stand a better chance of being taken seriously next time. Of being considered dangerous. And make no mistake about this: being taken seriously, being considered dangerous marks the difference - the only difference in their eyes - between players and little people. Players they will make deals with. Little people they liquidate. And time and again they cream your liquidation, your displacement, your torture and brutal execution with the ultimate insult that it’s just business, it’s politics, it’s the way of the world, it’s a tough life and that it’s nothing personal._ **

**_Well, fuck them. Make it personal.”_ **

**_-Quellcrist Falconer (_ ** **_Things I Should Have Learned by Now, Volume II)_ **

**_(Richard K Morgan,_ ** **_Altered Carbon)_ **

 

Lance is still a little shaky as they travel through the empty corridors, but he thinks he does a decent job of not letting Keith see. Maybe. Honestly, it’s hard to come back from a moment like that. 

 

He wonders what’s in Keith’s room. 

 

They poke around a little bit more once they get away from the psychological torture chambers, and there’s still no one around. But it didn’t look like anyone had left in a hurry, either. They come across a mess hall that’s perfectly spotless. A research lab that’s perfectly organized. They pass a line of escape pods, and not a single one has been used. 

 

Lance hates this. Adrenaline is pumping through his system and there aren’t even any sentries to shoot at as an outlet. And it doesn’t make any sense. Why is this ship just sitting here? 

 

And how did the droids know what to say to Lance? 

 

Cautiously, they slip through the huge doors to the bridge. Lance is turning constantly, aiming at dark shadows, while Keith approaches the command center. His eyes ran over the perfectly functional controls, frowning as again he found nothing wrong. 

 

Lance pulled the small drive that Coran had given him from his utility belt, and wordlessly handed it to Keith as he continued to survey the room. Keith found an input space and plugged it in. The only thing out of place was a huge stack of storage containers off to the side, maybe left behind in the evacuation. 

 

The purple Galra lettering on the screen before them was replaced with neon green English. 

 

**Gremlin Protocol**

**Please select:**

**1-E.T. Phone Home**

**2-Titanic**

**3-Sterling Archer**

 

“What the hell?” Keith grumbled. 

 

Lance sighed. “She designed it so only humans would know how to operate it. Obviously, she designed it a little too well.” 

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

 

Lance had to grin, in spite of the stress. “It’s pop-culture references, Mullet. Old ones. E.T. phone home will probably connect us back to Pidge. Titanic will sink the ship. Sterling Archer...that was a James Bond spoof, probably some sort of spy program.” 

 

“When do you find the time to - nevermind.” Keith selected option one. “I don’t want to know.” 

 

“Come on, you know you wanna have a movie marathon with me.” Lance grinned. 

 

“Oooohhhh, did you finally ask him out?” 

 

“Pidge!” 

 

Lance turned to glare at the screen, eighty percent of the blood in his body now surfacing in his face. Both the Holt siblings were on screen, Shiro standing over them and glaring pointedly at the younger. Keith had his face in his hands, trying to hide his own redness. 

 

“God, someone get her some sensitivity training.” Matt grumbled. “When did you turn into such a monster? You were such a sweet child.” 

 

“Can someone please just pull the intel from the cruiser so we can leave?” Keith groaned. “This place is giving me the creeps.” 

 

Shiro’s attention turned to them. “What’s going on? What did you find?” 

 

“Nothing. There’s no one here.” 

 

Keith outlined their trip through the ship, glossing over the personalized rooms they had found. Lance found himself watching Pidge and Matt work perfectly in synch, quietly talking to each other under Shiro. 

 

_ Honestly, you’d never measure up anyway. Do you even understand half the things I say?  _

 

Lance had to turn away. He’d never wanted to replace Matt, but it didn’t mean he didn’t think of Pidge as a sister. And whether or not she felt that way...how the hell did Haggar know? Lance had never been in the same room as her, so how did she know about his bond with Pidge? Or his fight with his mother? Or how he felt about Keith? 

 

“Lance?” 

 

Lance turned to see Shiro and Keith watching him. “Yep?”

 

“Everything alright?” 

 

“Just wanna get out of here.” 

 

Shiro grimaced. “Pidge, how long?” 

 

“We...are...good.” Pidge’s eyes were practically a blur as she scanned the data she had downloaded. “Nothing’s wrong with the ship. You could probably fly it back here, if you wanted.”

 

“So why did they leave?” 

 

Pidge was frowning. “This was Haggar’s flagship. After Lotor disappeared, she commandeered it. It looks like someone tried to wipe the coordinate logs. It’ll take me a minute to retrieve that. Oooh, Paladin Psychology Reports.” 

 

“Don’t.” Keith said sharply. “Don’t open that, Pidge.” 

 

“But - “

 

“Pidge, get those to Coran.” Lance directed. “We’ll explain when we get back.” 

 

“Can you please tell us why they left?” Keith grumbled. “I would like to leave.” 

 

Pidge sighed and typed a few commands, then straightened up. “Uhm...last log...one month ago, Haggar gave the evacuation order for literally no reason at all. She opened a wormhole on the bridge, and they all just left. It looks like she had a pretty small crew on board. Most of the ship was unoccupied.” 

 

“So she just drove out to the Milky Way, parked her giant spaceship on the side of an asteroid field, and just left it for us to find?” Lance asked incredulously. 

 

“She opened a wormhole on the bridge?” Keith asked. “Is that even possible?” 

 

“I don’t...I mean, in theory.” Matt leaned closer to the screen. “Seeing as apparently she did, and the ship is intact.” 

 

Shiro’s expression got darker. “Get out of there.”

 

“On it.” 

 

“What - “

 

“It’s a trap you idiot!” Keith hissed, ripping the drive out of the control board before the communication ended. “We have to leave before - “

 

Blue-white energy sparked behind them. 

 

“Before that happens.” 

 

Lance’s bayard materialized in his hands and he immediately sunk into a crouch. The energy was starting to gather in the center of the room, and Lance’s hair was standing on end, and not from fear. Something smelled like it was burning. 

 

“Keith, you need to put the drive back in!” Lance called over his shoulder. 

 

“What?” 

 

“Gremlin Protocol, Titanic!” 

 

A shadow was materializing in the middle of the energy ball, and Lance released a few pure red energy bolts at it. The shadow fell, but white lightning shot out at him. He screamed a curse and dove out of the way. 

 

Keith had jumped around to the other side of the controls for cover. Lance shielded his eyes as the energy pulsed, whiting out the room, and when he looked again the energy was fizzling out around three cloaked figures. 

 

Two Druids. Okay, not fun. And in the middle, he expected the hunched, white haired witch that had been described to him. Instead, there was a tall Altean with hollowed cheeks and a proud expression. 

 

“Paladins.” she greeted. 

 

“Don’t move.” Lance warned. “We’ve got back-up on the way, Haggar.” 

 

“I’m not Haggar anymore. I have been cured of my illness.” Her eyes flashed dangerously in a way that suggested that maybe some of the rot from her quintessence poisoning was permanent. “But you...you destroyed my son.” 

 

Oh, shit. 

 

“Keith, hurry!” Lance shouted, darting to one side and shooting wildly to keep them distracted. 

 

Honerva, she must be Honerva now, was joining hands with her Druids while lightning crackled around them. Lance aimed and somehow pulled off a miracle shot that clipped a Druid in the shoulder, sending it spinning. Honerva hissed and Lance lost focus as he dove under an energy bolt. He rolled and snapped up, thanking his stars for Shiro and Keith mercilessly beating him half to death over four years worth of training sessions. 

 

But then a hand was on his throat, and he was being lifted into the air. His bayard dropped with a clatter. He clutched at the arm and kicked at grey robes, but Honerva just eyed him cooly. 

 

“I really thought the chamber would break you.” she said quietly. “Maybe if you had been alone. Though I shouldn’t be surprised. Red and Blue...always entwined.” 

 

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Keith moving around to the front of the controls and shoving the drive into the panel. 

 

“What’s this?” Honerva was frowning at him. “Your quintessence...it’s tied to something.” 

 

The second Druid threw itself at Keith, who turned and swung his bayard just in time. 

 

“If I could just - “

 

She reached out with her other hand, as if she could touch the strands of quintessence. Lance tried to yell, but her grip was so tight, and - 

 

_ He and Keith were watching a gig in the White Lion bar. He had his arms wrapped around his waist as they swayed, listening to a vocalist with a smoky bedroom voice. Lance sang the words quietly into Keith’s ear, making him shiver.  _

 

_ “I know you’re not real, but mmmm, you’re a good looking boy. _

_ Wrapping-you-in-paper-saving-you-for-later _

_ Sure to be my favorite toy.”  _

 

“I see.” the witch said. “A whole other reality.” 

 

Lance tried to work his throat, but her hand was too tight and his vision was going spotty and he kicked and it didn’t help. 

 

There was a blur of red, black and white, and Honerva dropped Lance in a pile on the ground. He choked as his lungs tried to fill too quickly, eyes watering and vision slowly coming back. Keith was forcing the witch back, moving so fast she barely had time to call lightning. When they turned, Keith’s eyes were narrowed and yellow. 

 

Behind him, the options for Gremlin Protocol glowed in neon. Keith hadn’t had the chance to start the program. Still coughing, he picked up his bayard and ran back to the controls. Keith yelled and he forced himself to ignore it, leaping over where Keith had left the Druid crumpled on the floor. Desperate, Lance ran his hands over the controls until the selection finally moved. 

 

Wistful flute music filled the air, and Lance looked up at the screen horrified. “Oh, hell no.” 

 

He really did not want to die listening to Celine Dion. 

 

Which apparently was going to happen, because there was no time delay before the thunder of an explosion and the whole ship shook. Alarms blared, the screen was filled with Galran warning him of something, and Celine Dion kept playing. 

 

“Keith!” he yelled, his voice horse, spinning around. “Time to go!” 

 

Energy was gathering in the middle of the room again, and Keith was picking himself up off the floor as Honerva grabbed her remaining Druid and ran towards the energy surge. Lance pulled his bayard up, but the ship shook again and he lost his balance. 

 

“Lance! Get away from - “

 

A roar, and then silence as he was lifted into the air. Then pain. Then nothing. 

 

The nothing didn’t seem to last long. 

 

His ears are ringing. Keith is leaning over him, his mouth is moving, and he can’t hear a word he’s saying. Everything was Red.

 

He’s panicking. Keith is panicking. Keith panics a lot, all things considered. He’s not the most level-headed Black Paladin ever. Maybe he only panics when Lance is hurt. Lance wants to reach out and...do something so he’ll stop. He groans instead. His leg feels like it’s on fire. 

 

He can hear Keith a little, muffled like he’s talking in a different room, and he tries to sit up, but Keith pushes him back down. 

 

“We have to go!” Lance protested, noting how Keith flinches at his voice. Is he yelling? He can barely hear his own voice. “Let me up!” 

 

Keith frantically shakes his head, and looks around the room. His voice is slowly coming back, like the volume being turned up on a radio. 

 

“...we’re in Red…”

 

“What happened?” Lance demanded. “I...is that blood?” 

 

He finally sees that Keith’s armor has a lot more red to it than it should. Long red swipes on his breastplate, as if he had tried to wipe off his hands. 

 

“Pidge’s program blew up the engine, and then the controls.” Keith explained, his voice still distant but getting louder. “The explosion...your leg - “ 

 

Lance moved to prop himself up to look, but Keith frantically pushed him down. 

 

“No, no, Lance. Don’t look.” Keith is pinning him to the floor, and it doesn’t hurt as much as it should. “You can’t go into shock.” 

 

“Must be bad if that’s an option.” Lance mumbled. “I have to...fly us home.” 

 

“No, stay...I’ll fly...just...don’t move…”

 

He moves away, and anxious voices are talking over each other from the comms. He pushes himself up and looks down, and almost faints again because there’s a puddle of blood around a foot that’s not at the right angle and purple metal sticking out of a leg and he realizes  _ that’s his leg  _ and - 

 

“Red, come on, we need to go!” Keith is begging. 

 

“What’s wrong?” Shiro is asking. 

 

Warmth pulses over Lance, and inspite of the situation he calms down. He vaguely realizes it’s Red, trying to subdue him so he doesn’t panic and go into shock. He sighs and lays back down, letting the presence tickle his mind. Why had he been so afraid of Red back when they changed Lions? 

 

“Red won’t let me pilot her. Red, for once, stop being stubborn! He’s dying!” 

 

“Keith - “

 

Red feels like a warm campfire on the beach. The ones he and his brothers would build on their boys only fishing trips. He, Marco and Luis used to dig out a pit in the sand and build their fire in there. And when it was time to sleep, they’d push the sand back in over the flames, and sleep in a pile on the warm spot. 

 

And then he remembers how the other Lance felt sick for a week whenever he smelled his jacket, because it smelled like campfire and the night he hooked up with his Keith and shame because he ran. Ran all the way to the beach, just because he thought Keith deserved better. 

 

Lance is so tired of running. 

 

“Can you take us home, Red?” Lance asks quietly. “I want...I really don’t want to die here.” 

 

Red hums in his mind, and he feels the floor vibrate as the Lion starts to move. There’s a few blasts, and he guesses that the Lion is simply blasting asteroids out of the way instead of trying to go around them. He didn’t even know that was possible. 

 

Ferocity of love, maybe. 

 

“There’s still some stuff I have to do. Things to think about. Conversation I have to have.” 

 

And Red is the strong current that sucked everything into a system of underwater caves, and his father taught him that if you were a strong enough swimmer, it brought you to a beautiful hidden lagoon. And Red is the rain that pounds on the windows and drums a tattoo into the roof of the car when he and Rachel race to get home with pizzas for movie night. And Red is the blanket his mother covers him in when he falls asleep on the couch, and the book Marco reads to his kids from, and the sloppy crayon hearts on the Valentines Day card from the twins. 

 

“Lance?”

 

“Mmmm-alright, buddy.” Lance mumbled. “Just...Red’s making me...not as good as drugs.” 

 

He really wanted Keith to at least laugh, but the world is relatively calm and quiet as Keith slides back to the floor next to him. 

 

“Just stay awake, okay?” 

 

“No promises. Hey, Keith...I wanted to tell you…”

 

“Lance, don’t.” 

 

“If anything happens…”

 

“Shut up.”

 

“I want you to lead Voltron.” 

 

Silence. And then, “You’re an idiot.” 

 

Lance grinned and looked up at him. Everything hurt, and Keith just looked absolutely done with him. But that was okay. He was okay with being Keith’s idiot. 

 

“Ohhhh, you were hoping I’d remember your precious Bonding Moment, weren’t you?” 

 

Keith scowled. “Just hurry up and pass out so I can worry about you in silence.” 

 

Lance giggled feebly and tried to shift closer, but his leg protested at the slightest move. Keith put a hand on his shoulder, gently signaling to just stay put. Lance sighed and reached for his hand. 

 

“Sorry.” he mumbled. “I was scared.” 

 

“Of what?” 

 

“Loving you.” 

 

“Don’t say that.” But his hand wrapped around Lance’s and squeezed. 

 

“S’alright now. Not afraid anymore.” Lance sighed and let his eyes drop. “I’m sorry.” 

 

“Stop apologizing.“ 

 

“Yessir, team leader.” 

 

“Don’t pass out.” 

 

“Mmm, I might. But I...I won’t die. Again. Gotta...have that talk.” 

 

Gloved fingers on his cheek, up in his hair. And Red is the sound of Keith’s voice and his uncertain smile under the Travis Market lights and his absolute faith in Lance and the voice that calls out to him every time something goes wrong. 

 

“Don’t tell Pidge.” Lance whispered. “She...she’s got Matt.” 

 

“She needs you, too.” Fingers traced his jaw. “We all do.” 

 

“Who, me? Just a cargo pilot.” He sighed. “I’m sorry for loving you.” 

 

Keith’s voice sounded far away again, and Lance let Red carry him to a place where nothing hurt. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I sort of changed how I'm going to end this. It was going to be unnecessarily melodramatic, but I saved us all the torture of that. 
> 
> Did you read the quote? It's a long one, but it's so good. 
> 
> I'm also starting a new job soon, so I'll have less time to write, and with the series ending soon anyway I thought it would be best to finish up sooner rather than later. Instead of a whole series after this, I'll probably write a bunch of one-shot kind of follow ups. Like, one part of Keith learning to deal with sharing a bed, one part of dealing with the Garrison's expectations and disapproval, one part of general mortification of very-human-Keith explaining why Kolivan and the other Galras suddenly treat Lance so weird. Lots of general fluff and maybe some angst. And definitely Lance being out on some PR thing and finding a mini-Keith and being SO ABOUT adopting him. It'll be fun. 
> 
> And then maybe I'll finally finish that stupid Never Have a Daughter story. (It's not stupid. I love it. I just gotta find willpower.)


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance and Keith finally talk.

**_Don’t worry about anything, and you will be ready for it._ **

**_-Richard K. Morgan,_ ** **_Altered Carbon_ **

 

~*~

 

Lance did not dream, or see an alternate reality. At one point he woke to a siren, or a scream, but it was mostly warmth and darkness. Nothing like dying. 

 

When he did wake up, nothing hurt anymore. He could barely keep his eyes open, but his whole world felt fuzzy and warm. There was a firm pressure on his hand, but it didn’t hurt or do anything. It was just there. 

 

“Hey, mijo.” 

 

“Hey, Mami.” Lance slurred. “Mmmm...so warm…” 

 

“Does it hurt, mijo?”

 

“Mmm...no, feels great...should it hurt?”

 

“No, no, baby. It shouldn’t hurt.” 

 

“Good...where’s Keith?” 

 

“He can’t be here right now. We didn’t want to overwhelm you.”

 

Lance frowned. “But...I want him here.” 

 

“Your boyfriend almost decked the doctor when he said he couldn’t stay with you.” a different voice said.

 

Lance dragged his head around to look at his sister. “Oh, heyyy Ronnie…”

 

“Don’t call me that, dork.” 

 

“Don’t call me dork...why couldn’t Keith stay?” 

 

Veronica smiled slightly and squeezed his hand. “It’s okay, he’ll be back.” 

 

“Okay.” 

 

“Why don’t you rest a bit, Lance.” his mother suggested softly. “You can see Keith when you wake up.” 

 

Lance nodded and let his eyes drop. 

 

The next time he woke up, there was a smile that was brighter than the sun. 

 

“Heyy, buddy.” 

 

“Hey, Hunk.” Lance smiled dreamily. 

 

“How are you feeling?” 

 

“Fantastic.” 

 

A large pair of glasses flashed at him. “That’ll be the morphine.” 

 

“Pidgey.” Lance reached out and a small hand tightly took his. “S’good to see you.” 

 

A sniffle. Lance dragged his eyes all the way open and he tried to focus on his friends. Pidge’s eyes looked wet. 

 

“I’m sorry, Lance.” she whispered.

 

“What’re you sorry about?” 

 

“I messed up.” she rubbed her eyes. “I didn’t tell you about Titanic protocol. And you got hurt.” 

 

“I’m alright. Be up in no time.” 

 

Pidge hiccuped, but there was another reassuring hand on his shoulder. 

 

“That’s right.” Hunk said firmly. “He’ll be fine, Pidge.” 

 

“Where’s Keith?” Lance asked. 

 

“He...he was right here.” Hunk looked behind him, confused. “Where - “ 

 

There was a furious voice in the hallway. 

 

“YOU KNEW! YOU KNEW SHE CHANGED! AND YOU SAID NOTHING!” 

 

Pidge quickly crossed to the door to push it shut. 

 

“AND NOW HE’S - “

 

The door shut, and the voice stopped. 

 

“You don’t want to see him right now.” Pidge said softly. “He’ll be here later.” 

 

Lance sighed. “Don’t let him run off. Gotta...have to talk to him.” 

 

“Don’t worry, Lance.” Hunk reassured. “He’ll be here.” 

 

Pidge returned to her seat, and clung to his hand again. Lance let his eyelids drop a little.

 

“Does it hurt?” Pidge whispered.  

 

“Why does everyone keep asking if it hurts?” Lance asked. 

 

Pidge squeezed his hand tighter, but didn’t answer. 

 

Lance fought to open his eyes again. “Guys...why…?” 

 

“Lance...uhm…” Hunk looked devastated. “When the control panel of the cruiser exploded...well...your leg took a lot of shrapnel. Your ligaments were completely severed, and there was a lot of muscle and bone damage.” 

 

“But it’s getting fixed, right?” He looked between his friends frantically. “Right?” 

 

“Well, they… oh, Lance. If we still had a healing pod, yeah, but…they...well...they decided the injuries were too complex. There wasn’t really a guarantee that you’d walk properly, and, uhm...your parents decided...it would be best to amputate.” 

 

Lance is sure he’s supposed to feel something. Some sense of loss, or upheaval. Maybe even betrayal. And maybe he’s tired, and maybe it’s the drugs, but he can’t. He just wants to sleep. And he wants Keith. Keith makes him feel things. 

 

“But we’re going to fix this!” Hunk charged through. “Pidge’s dad is already working on a prosthetic for you, and Shay thinks she has a way to fix the power supply problem, and Shiro says he can help you with the adjustment period, and Pidge and I are going to give you free maintenance for life.” 

 

“And I already cleaned all the blood out of your Lion.” Pidge added. “So, you don’t even have to think about it.”

 

“Hey, thanks guys.” Lance said quietly. “C’mere, I want a hug.” 

 

Pidge stretched to try to reach him, but was too short. Hunk chuckled and gave her a boost, gently setting her down on the bed away from the tubes and wires connected to Lance’s arm. Pidge wrapped surprisingly strong arms around him and buried her face in his chest, and Hunk gathered the both of them in a tight embrace. 

 

“Just, uh, don’t let him give me the floaty model.” Lance mumbled. “I think that would be weird.” 

 

Pidge snickered into his chest, but it sounded a little wet. “You’d kick ass at soccer, though.” 

 

“True.” Lance paused. “Can it light up when I walk like Skechers?” 

 

“I’ll see what I can do, buddy.” Hunk promised. “I’m gonna go see if Keith needs any help out there.” 

 

Hunk extricated himself, but Pidge stayed exactly where she was. If anything, she clung to Lance tighter. Hunk left quickly, but the yelling in the hallway had stopped. 

 

“I’m sorry.” Pidge mumbled. 

 

“Not your fault.” Lance closed his eyes again. “Wasn’t really thinking straight. You gotta change that song though. No one wants to die listening to ‘My Heart Will Go On’.” 

 

“I thought you’d like it.” 

 

“...we’re going to sit down and actually watch that movie so you understand how long it actually takes for the Titanic to sink. And how annoying that song is.” His body felt heavy, his mind ran in circles. There was a lot he wanted to say, but he felt like it was locked away. “Maybe when there’s less morphine in my system, though.” 

 

Pidge made a sniffling noise and something in the back of Lance’s mind realized she was crying. 

 

“Hey, stop, Pidgey. M’alright.” 

 

“I thought I lost my brother all over again.” she mumbled. 

 

Lance ran his fingers through her short hair. There was a question he should ask, but it didn’t come to mind. Small, quiet cries soaked into his chest, and he felt his mind slipping away again. 

 

The door opened, and someone said, “Lance...hey...oh, he’s asleep again…Pidge, you okay?” 

 

Next time he woke up, the room was darker. Coran gave him a reassuring smile as he picked up Pidge from the bed, but left. He looked more stressed, had more lines. Everyone looked so heartbroken. 

 

Except Allura. She leaned over him with an Olkari. “...calling themselves healers. Barbarians is more accurate.” 

 

The Olkari shook their head. “We have something to localize the medication while he heals, but the leg…”

 

“Go to sleep, Lance.” Shiro suggested softly, and Lance turned his head to look at him. “Don’t worry, we’ll take care of you.”

 

“Keith?” Lance asked quietly.

 

“He’s here.”

 

Keith was a dark, crumpled shape in a chair next to the bed. Lance smiled and closed his eyes again. 

 

Yellow flowers. A vase of sunflowers was on the bedside table. Lance stared at them blankly, trying to figure out where they came from. Where did you even get flowers around here? 

 

Lance felt a little bit more present today. He directed his gaze down to his lap, where he found Keith asleep next to his hips, his head resting on his arms. He had changed into his orange cadet uniform at some point. 

 

The next thing Lance sees are his legs under the blankets. He stares blankly at the point where the one leg just...ends. Just below his knee. Way before it should. Only one foot rises under the blanket.

 

There’s a quiet groan, and Lance’s attention snapped back to where the dark haired boy is waking up. He yawned and pushed hair out of his face, blinking at Lance. 

 

“Hi.” 

 

“Hey.” 

 

Keith looked exhausted as he stretched and twisted, cracking his spine in a way that made Lance wince. A blanket was gathered around his hips, having had fallen off in his sleep. And he’s such a welcome sight, even like this. 

 

So Lance tells him, “You look like shit.” 

 

Keith looked at him in shock, then sighed and flopped back into his chair. His retort sounds a little bitter, but Lance knows to look for the small smile and finds it. 

 

“And you’re the picture of health.” comes the reply. 

 

“What, this?” Lance waves impatiently at his leg. “Just a scratch.” 

 

“And there’s the healthy coping mechanism we all know and love.” 

 

Lance turns his attention back to the flowers. “Where did these come from?” 

 

Keith is silent, but his face is red. 

 

“Awww, Keith, did you get me flowers?” Lance grinned. 

 

“Shut up.” 

 

“I didn’t think you were the flower-buying type.” 

 

“And I’ll never do it again.”

 

“Don’t be like that. They’re pretty.”

 

“Yeah, well, I know they’re your favorite.” 

 

Honestly, Keith could have brought him a bouquet of beets and Lance still would have gone mushy. And he hated beets. Why did everyone want to eat something that tastes like dirt? And you could never get the stains out.

 

“How are you feeling?” Keith asked. 

 

Lance shrugged. “Awake. Less...foggy, I guess.” 

 

“They lowered your morphine dosage, finally.”

 

“Finally?” he repeated. “How long…?”

 

Keith looked a little pained. “You’ve been here for about a week. The Olkari are doing what they can to speed up your healing process and manage your pain but...before they arrived the human doctors were keeping you pretty doped up. You slept a lot. And woke up and stared at walls a lot.” 

 

Lance frowned and sat up straighter. “You’ve been here the whole time?” 

 

“Well, no.” Keith scratched the back of his head. “After your surgery, I was pretty messed up. We all were. I may have...tried to go back to try to find Haggar. Or any Galra ship, really.” 

 

“But...why?” 

 

“Because you got hurt.” Keith’s hands gripped the blankets. “And the only thing I could think about was how we should have gone there with back up. And I shouldn’t have let you go in that room. Or let her touch you. And I wanted to end all of it. Rip the witch to pieces and blow up every Galra cruiser I could find.”

 

Keith’s eyes are narrowed, and almost yellow. Ready to burn down the world, just because Lance got hurt. Anger is one of the few emotions that take over Keith’s face completely, or the occasional gut rumbling laugh. Everything else is subtle gestures, movements and twitches Lance has to work to find. But now, even calmer than he probably was when he was trying to find a ship to go careening through space, he was ablaze. 

 

_ Passions make us dangerous, _ Krolia had told him. He had thought she had been lecturing him about restraint, but he was quickly realizing that he was wrong. 

 

“What stopped you?” Lance asked quietly. 

 

Keith sighed. “Shiro.” 

 

Lance snorted. “Sounds about right. Let me guess, patience yields focus?” 

 

Amusement flickered across Keith’s face. “That was in there. Mainly, he reminded me I need to stop assuming I know what everyone wants. What you want.” 

 

“What do you think I want?” 

 

Keith hesitated. “I...I thought you wanted a rival. And then a leader.”

 

Lance looked at his hands. 

 

“And I know you wanted to talk, which I’m horrible at.”

 

“This might be the highest word count I’ve gotten from you.” Lance agreed. 

 

“Lance, I’m trying, here.” Keith groaned. 

 

“You just told me you were going to run off and get yourself killed on my behalf! Without explanation or anything!” 

 

“I wouldn’t have gotten killed. And I was going to leave you a letter.” 

 

“A letter.” Lance repeated, feeling like he was absolutely going to die. “First flowers, and now a letter. Keith, you go around doing that, you’re going to give everyone the wrong idea.” 

 

“You can read it if you like.” 

 

“No. I’d rather you just tell me.” 

 

Keith scowled. “You sure?” 

 

“I’m injured. Indulge me.” 

 

“You lost your leg. Not your eyes.” 

 

“Morphine’s a hell of a drug.” Lance stared him down. “You were telling me what I want?” 

 

Keith sighed, rubbing his eyes. “I was telling you that I never know what you want. I thought you wanted distance. And sometimes I thought that maybe you wanted...more, I guess. But it was always easier to say you didn’t so that I wouldn’t have to…”

 

“Do this?” Lance guessed.

 

“Basically.” 

 

They were dancing around it. And even if Lance is reasonably sure Keith wants the same things that he does, it feels like a 50-50 chance of being rejected. Keith looked a little pained, so Lance decided to give him a break. 

 

“I just always thought that I’d have to wait till after.” Lance admitted. “That you’d want to put Voltron first. And I’d have to convince you.” 

 

“Convince me?” 

 

“Yeah.” Lance looked away. “To stay, I guess. To stop leaving. Or to take me with, at least. Part of the deal, right? The Black Paladin and his Red Right Hand.” 

 

“Is that what you want?” 

 

Lance bit his lip. “I told you, in that room. I’ll be whatever you need me to be.” 

 

“That’s not an answer.” 

 

“That’s what you get.” 

 

Keith wasn’t looking at him, and thank God because this is so far from the way Lance wanted all of this to go. But then, he had told him the important things already anyway. He had been afraid, and he was sorry. The rest was just detail. 

 

_ Leaving is easy,  _ Shiro had told him.  _ Staying, facing the consequences, allowing yourself to be loved, that’s the hard part. _

 

Lance could be brave enough for the both of them. 

 

“So, what do you want?” Lance prompted. 

 

Keith’s gaze swung around and focused on him, and the tiny amount of false bravery Lance found almost wilted. Almost. 

 

“What?” Keith asked.

 

“It’s a simple question, Mullet.” Lance sighed. “What do you want from me?” 

 

And please, please, just put him out of his misery. 

 

Keith considered for a moment, his strange purple eyes traveling across Lance’s face. “I want a future.” 

 

“A future.” Lance repeated flatly. 

 

“I never wanted one before.” Pale hands slid across the hospital blankets to brush against Lance’s fingers. “But now...when I think about it, I can’t decide what I’ll be doing or where I’ll be. I just know that you’re there.” 

 

Lance stared at him, shocked. So much that he hardly noticed the calloused fingers sliding between his. 

 

“You’ve lost...so much.” Keith told him quietly, his grip on his hand tightening. “And I want to rip the Empire to pieces to give it back to you.” 

 

“I’ll settle for a movie night.” Lance managed. “Save the death and destruction for a second date.” 

 

Keith rushed forward and suddenly he was right there. His fingers pushed Lance’s hand into the stiff mattress. Lance’s eyes fluttered shut. 

 

“Is that what you want?” Keith asked quietly, warm breath blowing across his face. “Just two dates?” 

 

“To start.” Lance smiled slightly. “I’m known to be greedy.” 

 

Keith finally, finally moved forward and pressed chapped lips against his. It was short and simple, honestly nothing to write home about. But the boy in question was worth everything that had been taken from him.

 

_ My Keith. _

 

When they broke apart, Keith stayed close. Lance looked down at their entwined fingers, marveling at how after all his pining and wanting this was just so simple. Except for the war. And the spy. And the witch. 

 

“The Garrison won’t like this.” Lance said quietly. 

 

“We don’t answer to them.” Keith reminded. 

 

“Your mother hates me.” 

 

“She’s just protective.” Keith turned their hands over. “There’s also a war to worry about.” 

 

“Yeah, we should do something about that.” 

 

The corner of Keith’s mouth twisted up into a smile. 

 

“So, what now?” Lance asked. 

 

Keith sighed and sat back in his seat, leaving their hands entwined. “I didn’t think I’d get this far.” he admitted. 

 

“Not really how I imagined things going either.” Lance looked down at his missing leg again. “You could kiss me again?” 

 

“Is that what you want?” 

 

Lance looked up and smiled, drinking in the sight of violet eyes and overgrown black hair and the most unexpected smattering of freckles across pale skin. 

 

Lance had flown two giant robotic Lions, fought in an intergalactic war. He had been tied up, captured, blown up, heartbroken, and lost. He had seen some of the most incredible, beautiful, terrifying things. He had almost lost his family, friends, and now was missing a limb. 

 

And in spite of that, he fell in love with the most unlikely of people. 

 

“I want everything.” Lance told him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not the end! I have so many plans! They'll all kind of be established-relationship stand alones, I guess. They'll kind of jump around in terms of chronological order. There will also be one of what happened while Lance was in surgery.
> 
> I know I left things kind of open with Haggar and the spy. I'll probably address the spy in one of the stand alones. I have a few post-war things planned but I'm not sure how to end the war or Haggar so I might kind of just leave it. 
> 
> So, anyway, stay tuned. Thank you for sticking with me. :)


End file.
